I got a lot of shit from a small handfull of 4th wave feminists because I decided that I preferred monogamy over open relationships. I got shit because the things I enjoy doing are traditionally masculine, things like firearms, longsword fencing, motorcycles, weightlifting… I was told that leaving poly relationships for monogamy meant I had ‘toxic jealousy’, and my enjoyment of traditionally masculine past times meant that I was engaging in ‘toxic masculinity’ (or, alternatively, ‘toxic heteronormativity’). Were they using those terms wildly incorrectly? Sure. But that’s not actually relevant. They were attempting to shame me for choices that I was making for myself. There was no point where I told other people that they couldn’t make choices for themselves, but I certainly got told that my choices for myself were wrong.
Is this all 4th wave feminists? Of course not. I’m old enough to realize that the people I knew aren’t representative of all feminists, or even a majority. But just like the ‘not all men’, there are enough, and they’re vocal. They do real damage to young men by telling them that, by simply existing and being traditionally masculine–even when they support women’s rights–that they are the problem.
I don’t know how to prevent that small number of people from doing an outsized amount of damage, short of trying to be inclusive to everyone, regardless of gender, gender identity/expression, or sexual orientation.
I’m gonna out myself here.
I got a lot of shit from a small handfull of 4th wave feminists because I decided that I preferred monogamy over open relationships. I got shit because the things I enjoy doing are traditionally masculine, things like firearms, longsword fencing, motorcycles, weightlifting… I was told that leaving poly relationships for monogamy meant I had ‘toxic jealousy’, and my enjoyment of traditionally masculine past times meant that I was engaging in ‘toxic masculinity’ (or, alternatively, ‘toxic heteronormativity’). Were they using those terms wildly incorrectly? Sure. But that’s not actually relevant. They were attempting to shame me for choices that I was making for myself. There was no point where I told other people that they couldn’t make choices for themselves, but I certainly got told that my choices for myself were wrong.
Is this all 4th wave feminists? Of course not. I’m old enough to realize that the people I knew aren’t representative of all feminists, or even a majority. But just like the ‘not all men’, there are enough, and they’re vocal. They do real damage to young men by telling them that, by simply existing and being traditionally masculine–even when they support women’s rights–that they are the problem.
I don’t know how to prevent that small number of people from doing an outsized amount of damage, short of trying to be inclusive to everyone, regardless of gender, gender identity/expression, or sexual orientation.