so if u guys see my previous posts, you would have a better understanding. Me and my ex broke up a month and a half ago and we’ve still been good friends and still had some sort of sexual relationship (we are 7 hours long distance). I was the one who carried so much hope and beat myself over it but I think I want to stop talking to him once and for all. I still love and care for him so much but I’ve fought and drained myself so hard the past two months my heart physically hurts. I know he see’s no hope in us and has said it himself which hurt me so much. And I always felt like there was hope so I would keep trying. But lately I’ve been feeling like his effort has diminished, which I get since we aren’t in a relationship like that anymore but even me being excited to tell him about my day and he’s just on his computer not replying or showing any emotions makes me feel belittled. I always listen to him. So this hurts the most. I’ve always felt shut out growing up so this triggers me so much. I told him about it last night and he said he’s knows he does it sometimes cuz he’s “working” but doesn’t know how to fix it. I simply said, it takes two minutes of your time to just listen. And if you can’t or you’re busy, say you will talk to me another time. Mine you, it’s 11pm and he was waiting for me to play a video game. He could’ve done it easily because if I had been ready 15-20 prior, he would’ve got off regardless. I know it sounds silly but honestly it’s the little things that get me, it’s the bare minimum.
I mentioned how the beginning he showed so much effort and more respect and stuff, and he agreed and said it’s because we don’t have much of a romantic relationship anymore. I love talking to him and care about him but I feel like this whole time has been ME beating MYSELF up over the whole situation physically, mentally, and emotionally and he’s been cruising along “healing himself” while talking to me so things will be easier. One day, hopefully, he will realize what he threw away and didn’t work for. How easily he gave up on me. Because it killed me but I know I need to keep moving.
I’m a very lonely person so this is very hard for me to do. I like having people around and not in a selfish way, I do care for people, but I don’t do good when I don’t have someone to lean on.
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Not an open-ended, thought provoking question. Locking.
…but leaving it up as it’s a relevant update to an earlier question.
I’m just an Internet stranger but want to say I’m very proud of you (and you should be of yourself).
Taking the step to prioritize your own self and healing can be so hard but it’s so worth it. You’ve got so much love in your heart and you deserve to pour some of that into you. Best of luck 🩵
I hate to admit that I was that guy sort of once. Partner for a long time and I broke up, we tried to be friends, we had a sexual relationship for a few months after - she was clearly invested and I should have backed off. I told myself “we are both adults she can make her own decisions,” but that was very cowardly and selfish. She couldn’t move on unless it stopped.
Just rip the bandaid off. It’ll bleed and hurt like hell but you’ll heal.
I’m a very lonely person so this is very hard for me to do. I like having people around and not in a selfish way, I do care for people, but I don’t do good when I don’t have someone to lean on.
This is a difficult trait to manage. I fall into this category too, and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s worth the wait to find the right person; something you should take the time to figure out for yourself before jumping into your next relationship.
Don’t forget that you’re stronger than you think. Don’t let the loneliness trick you into doing something you’ll regret. And good luck!
In order for any relationship to work, there has to be two things present: Shared values and equal investment. It just sounds to me like your guy isn’t anywhere near as invested in this relationship as you are. You deserve to have your needs met, as well, and it doesn’t sound like that’s going to magically start happening anytime soon.
You broke up a month and a half ago and he was very clear he didn’t want a relationship. He’s a complete fuck-head for stringing you along for his own purposes, knowing you were investing your emotional energy into something he’d already buried. He should’ve just made a clean break. But also, believe him when he says he doesn’t want a relationship.
Sorry, what was the question here?
AskLemmy…if you don’t ask in the post, then you will be asked in the comments.
Sad situation… Best of luck to you whatever happens
