No, but seriously, I’d love to have someone growing inside me. That’s my ultimate wish. I REALLY want to be pregnant :(
Anyone else?
Not really my thing. I definitely want to have as natural of a body as close to what it was supposed to be as possible, but with the way the fetus’s life is now given priority over a mother’s, it’s just not worth it to me.
At times it was really hard watching my daughter’s biological mother go through the pregnancy because of the envy and dysphoria that it constantly brought forward.
The first six months of her life I had a hard time being around her without feeling the dysphoria intensely and I was so terrified that her first word would be “dada” or “papa”.
So I guess this is all to say that IMO it is a totally normal thing for us and I think it’s also something a lot of cis women who struggle with fertility issues go through.
One of my support workers is unable to have children. It breaks my heart. She so wanted children. I think she would have made a good mother. But alas it’s not the case :(
I’m sorry you are struggling with this too :(
Adoption used to be my naïve decision when I knew I couldn’t pass my faulty genes to my children. Until I realized foster care is how we save lives.
Now I need money to build a foster home. I want to build a next generation of anarchists.
I never wanted children in my life, and I was quite clear on this from a young age. I felt so strongly about this that I had myself sterilized as a teenager, in fact.
Then estrogen changed everything, it flipped a biological switch and some part of me began to notice and be envious of mothers with their kids, I started to yearn to be pregnant, and began to grieve from the impossibility of ever having a child with my partner.
If I could get pregnant, I’m not 100% sure I would do it. I don’t trust myself to be a good enough mother and to provide for a child, but it is quite clear to me the biological drive to get pregnant is fully in place and I desire to be pregnant in deep and unchangeable ways.
Maybe someday I will foster or adopt, but again I don’t trust myself to not emotionally wound a child (I’m not at the point where I can avoid hurting other people in my life, and a child is more sensitive and the impacts are much greater).
So as a matter of harm reduction I resist my desire to be a parent, it is similar in some ways to how I resist adopting pets (for similar reasons, I don’t trust myself to care for them to the extent I would want).
If I were wealthy enough and had done enough work on myself, I would feel much more comfortable being a parent (whether for a child or a pet), but that’s just not in the cards for me, so I’m going to have to learn to be OK with that. Instead I put my energies into the people already in my lives, including taking better care of myself. Learning to parent myself has been a long-term project. :-)
I know so many cis woman who desperately wish they could give you this ability in exchange for theirs
I’ve mostly made peace with the fact that it will never happen. It hurts very badly sometimes but it is what it is. I really want to be a mom one day, and when I am able to I will love my children with all my heart. For me, being a mom is my life’s dream. I wish I could conceive my own children but, I can’t. Someday it will be a reality for women like us but it’s not there yet and I’m really not holding out any hope that it will be within my life time. Even if it does happen in my lifetime I don’t want to spend my life waiting for something that is unlikely to ever happen for me. Focusing on how ultimately being a mom itself is my dream has helped me cope. Because that is something I can work towards today.
I really strongly empathize with this pain though. I’ve cried myself to sleep over it many times. I hope you’re able to find what helps make it easier for you.
Thank you. And I’m sorry you struggle with it too :(
I get that. But, in my case i already have enough children. If its any consolation, apart from the 2nd trimester it’s supposed to be absolutely miserable. The first trimester is vomiting your guts out whenever you smell or taste anything that isn’t clean air or water. Second trimester is all sunshine and rainbows. Third is hip dysplasia, sacral nerve pain and mobility issues.
It does sound horrible, but I still want it like no other :(
And then of course there’s the actual main event. Not exactly a risk free endeavour even today. During one of the births, my partner started soaking the bedsheets in blood when the anaesthetist nicked her spinal artery with the epidural needle. She said it felt like her lower half had been crushed under a falling building. She was not right after that. Also all of them were over 4.3kg(9.5lbs). I’m really thankful I didn’t have to do that
Oof! >4.3 kg ? That’s rough, your partner’s strong. Does the extra weight make birth harder, or is it mainly with carrying, or both?
I don’t know why but despite all the pain and those descriptions, this makes me want to experience it only the more.
Probably both? But it takes a toll every time the most recent one was just over 4.8 kg and she gave birth to him vaginally in her early 40’s with only a small superficial tear. Not sure how she pulled it off but I was very impressed. When I told my colleagues how much he weighed all the men congratulated me and looked excited and all the women visibly winced and asked if she was ok.
Late but idk if i was clear; with regard to carrying i meant during pregnancy, not after birth. Like, that’s probably gonna be extra back ache, feeling heavy, idk.
That said, lol yeah, I can see that different reaction. One group doesn’t know how painful it is because they don’t really experience it themselves (though they can sympathise), the other does.
and the experiences vary, I know of people who have had awful pregnancies where they felt sick the entire time, but I also know people who had wonderful pregnancies where they were hardly sick and the positive experiences of being pregnant outweighed the negatives - though I do hear more negative stories than positive, tbh
Unfortunately the human mind isn’t rational in this way. Otherwise no one would ever choose to get pregnant.
Me too… I’m envious I can’t be.
There’s games in where you are pregnant, so playing those helps me to cope, at least.
Role playing could definitely help. I might have to try some games where the player is preggers. Thanks for the idea :)
I’m sorry you are struggling with this too btw :(
If you’re curious, Seeds of Destiny helped. It’s actually a pretty dang wholesome RPG, so can def recommend. NSFW obviously. Most characters are hot as well.
That said, if I could have a succesful pregnancy, no matter how risky, even if it cost my life… I would do it in a heartbeat. If I die, at least the scientific contribution will help other people in the future with becoming pregnant.
To my dear child whom I will have a high chance of never carrying, – I love you, and I love the world in its full rainbow of hues; and I would wish that I can do this. May you find this life when it calls to you.
Aww I’m sorry. You’re making me teary D: I’m sorry you can’t have a kiddo :(
That last paragraph made me want to cry.
It hurts even more when knowing that uterus transplants are already a thing. But it also elates me, as there is in fact a protocol in place for us to have these as well. I saved it in multiple ways so governments can’t delete those protocols; deleting those would hurt parents-to-be.
I hope strongly that one day, I will be able to undergo surgery for that protocol. I will bleed, I will suffer, and I will have ‘no’ heard; but I will pull through, and will search the sunshine behind the cloud. There I will find flowers growing, and water and nourish the next generation; and the world will rejoice once more!
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I dont understand why you felt the need to add the first part, as though anyone struggling with infertility is unaware of how difficult it is.
I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to minimize your feelings.
Apology accepted. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and say that.
Hey I’m sure you mean well but if someone says “I really need A in my life to be happy” then telling them “A isn’t that great. Don’t worry about it.” isn’t really helpful.
You’re right. I’m upset about a different issue that doesn’t have a place here. Thanks for explaining.
