Hey, well I haven’t been much active lately.
To be honest mood has been a bitch. Up and down a lot with some bad thoughts and all. At least I’m not alone but gosh this is getting hard. I’m honestly feeling like I’m failing at life like what is the point.
I know this state is temporary but heck I can’t seem to find the medical support I need.
On a side note, I started doing roller derby🛼. Gosh I’m really out of shape. But I know in the long run it’s going to do good. It’s a bit like life, I’m falling down, it’s physically hard to keep up but I’m getting back up eventually.
It’s hard to reach out. Even if I do what am I to say? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. What can they do? I’m at good E levels, T low. It is a mental health thing. But the more I try to understand my problems the more I feel like I’m going into a rabbit hole and left even more confused.
I feel like it’s because I started digging a trauma I’m pretty sure is hidden in my memory. Because I know the impact it had on me not who or what. (But I have my guesses because I have a few triggers now I’ve learned to understand)
Anyway, another good note is that I feel more and more feminine. Dysphoria is now a bit less problematic but still having troubles with my own body.
Stay strong everybody. I’ll try to be. I have been so far. I have made so much effort to be where I am today. I’m not going waste them. Sending love 💜 Lily
I’m glad to have you here, Lily! You will find a way to manage your mental health, because you are strong enough to not give up looking. A good therapist should be able to help you even if you struggle to verbalize the exact issue; writing down your thoughts when they get somewhat clear and presenting them to a therapist is an option. I once read here and someone you wrote extensive Lemmy posts and then just showed them to their therapist, but I can’t remember who that was.
Be sure to take breaks as needed, and to allow yourself not to be a work horse. Maybe also check if you’re eating healthy and drinking+sleeping enough. Being sloppy with those things easily leads to physical discomfort / exhaustion.
💜💜
Money is too tight for a therapist to be honest I had free ones I already used them this year. I could get a psychiatrist for free but the only one I know is trustworthy has a 2 year waitlist.
And I’m not going to just see anybody to be randomly drugged.
Fair.