I’m really sorry everyone…this is all my own damn fault, I’m not denying that in the slightest.

spoiler

I was planning to die today. But I guess I’m not even capable of doing that.
This is all because I’m such an overdramatic, pathetic loser, an excuse for a human being. After an appointment with a new psychiatrist where her first question was “What is your deadname?” and after she told me I “started HRT late”, I just fell into a deeper spiral. Now there’s uncertainty if I’ll even be able to go to Thailand for SRS, which made me full on suicidal upon finding out, so I just kinda…broke.
And there’s the constant regret of not starting sooner, constant self-deprecating and loathing from feeling like I’ll never be a woman. Hating my face and body every single waking second.
I’m just…depressed and not doing well right now. And I’m making it everybody’s problem.

I’m sorry, but I guess I’m sticking around. I’m not dead just yet. I’m making a new account and starting over. But…at least, maybe you’ll believe me now that I’m not actually a good person?
I’m really sorry. I’m actually the worst. I know that.

Maybe I should have died. Maybe. But…instead I guess I’ll bother you all some more, again, from zero.
I’m sorry for being such an unimaginable fuckup…

Sincerely,
a very depressed trans girl,
Miisha

  • birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    6 days ago

    winters pile
    wise the wrinkle
    speaking truth.

    explanation

    Tried to write it as a haiku, following the rule that in Japanese, you write haikus using morae, not syllables. I think they’d be analysed as:

    wi•n•te pa•il
    wa•is the wri•n•ke•l
    spi•ki•n tru•th

    but if I wrote it wrong, here’s a syllable-based version:

    Up pile the winters
    wise in wrinkles of life hues
    truth cracks in fire.

    I hope it came across right, I wanted to say that you put it down very well :D and spoke a great truth. A truth nuke if you will.