I eat a pretty high protein diet which has the side-effect of giving me really big ones. Sometime my farties exit my anus with such turbulence that it feels like they could do damage. After multiple decade of farties and lots of other wear and tear, could ripping huge ones give me fissures?
Seriously speaking, sometimes its fun to let it rip forcefully but you should probably allow to escape naturally to avoid aforementioned torn bungholes.
Having acknowledged that, 10/10 thread - your prose is rythmically pleasing and we coupd all always do with a poop chuckle
The problem as I see it, is that I seem to have a volumetric flow rate akin to a whoopie cushion. If I try to let it out slowly, it’s the difference between a foghorn and firecrackers. It’s as if I need a muffler.