Mood. The autistic struggle between the need to be untouched and the need to not hurt your partner’s self esteem by telling them physical contact makes you feel gross rn

A good friend of mine had a girlfriend like 14 years ago. We didn’t hang out as much anymore, so they were together for over half a year before we met. We went to a bar and she was really outgoing and chatty. She taljed to me a lot, and i thought i would mess with her a bit. When she asked why we haven’t met yet, i told he i don’t really like people (which was true) and i don’t like being close to them. She was like ooooooh, is it okay for you when i’m this close? The bar was absolutely packed, and i said, not really but what can you do. She wqs really nice, she touched my leg and said: how much does that bother you? (I can’t stress enough how much this wasn’t sexual or she was nit hitting on me). I said, it’s fine, but i kinda wanna throw up. This went on the whole evening, and i left her thinking i was the most autistic guy on the planet.

I think a lot about that night, because i pretty much vecame that person. I probably always was that person, but it was also the same night that i quit drinking, and that was the thing that made me social and outgoing.