As a previous so-called ‘ghost engineer’, it took three people to replace me, and four months for damage control when I wasn’t there to keep things in top shape. There was documentation to keep things running, but since I wrote that documentation and “my contributions weren’t necessary foe the team’s success” Well. Why leave them?

Depends on how they feel about trans people, test the waters. A subtle way is to ask a guy (or a few) role model(s) near you if they have ever thought about what it is like to be a girl.

My parents are fairly conservative, and I ran into the snag of the FIRST guy I asked was like “oh, yeah. All guys think that.” And then I just bought it for years.

Still, it is good to plant the seed.