Oh boy, I can’t wait for this new wave of paranoid customers claiming their wifi is watching them. Thanks, comcast.

These pussies get violent in courthouses and kindergartens.

Your comment implies there’s only two options.

Sim swap your parents. Nuke their social media.

Please God let some bug at the carrier level incessantly provision these T1s to a max of 1.5mbps because that would be so fucking funny.

President meeseeks would be fire. He’d get shit done for people.

I went to college for networking but the most productive class I’ve ever had where I learned the most about the internet was instead back in high school. This teacher would make 20 page packets with the most obscure questions like what’s the weight of model number 62xRG4 (some obscure car part or something) and he told us to google it. We would spend entire classes just searching for information we would never use, but it drilled into me how to go about finding the information I need. It’s been utterly invaluable. Thank you Mr Ward.

I have a similar short fuse for microwaves but for the +30 seconds button. If the microwave doesn’t have this it should get tossed in the nearest dumpster. The +30 seconds button is the pinnacle of human achievement.

Or if you link up with your mom’s PhD boyfriend, you have a choice between a lizard someone set on fire, a different lizard with a fungal infection, or a regular ass turtle.

Instead of dropping bombs they should be dropping fully loaded small arms by the dozens. It’d be a much greater security nightmare, any random person might have a gun. Most would be recovered so security forces would know what’s happening, everyone has to be patted down. It’d be hilarious.

Imagine telling this to a cancer patient shopping for a wig.

Is an INAZI some new apple product?

Yes definitely. If you search Google for ‘VAC enabled games’ you’ll get an easy link to the steam website filtered to just games with valve anti cheat. There’s a search bar on that page you can use to check if a game is on that list. If it’s not there, have at it.

Pretty typically just online games use it. Cheat engine wouldn’t be able to do much anyway, as most multi-player games will keep track of the fun variables serverside instead of on your computer. It’s a jerk move anyway to ruin other people’s fun by cheating in multiplayer.

Edit: Google isn’t showing that link anymore for me. I think this is it, it looks right:

https://store.steampowered.com/search/?sort_by=Released_DESC&category2=8&ndl=1

I’ve started rooting through my steam library looking for unplayed games that have steam trading cards and achievements. I’ll install the game and give it a try to see if it’s entertaining. If it’s not, I’ll leave it on the main menu for a few hours to get the trading cards so it doesn’t come up again in my search.

If the steam achievements look easy, I’ll try to break open the game with cheat engine by myself as a sort of game of its own. No doubt I could find some cheat engine trainer that makes the game a single button click but where’s the fun in that.

If you’re even the slightest bit technically inclined and never heard of cheat engine, I highly recommend it. It lets you memory edit running applications like games. Once you figure out what you’re doing you can change in game variables on the fly. The game isn’t the game anymore, figuring out how to break the game is the game. When you install cheat engine you can actually run it on itself, and it is basically a self contained tutorial. Check up in the help menu to get started, the tutorial is AMAZING.

They get literal meat grinders and some flowers.

Someone told me if you apply a little heat it just disappears! Leaves zero trace. What kind of freak invents this stuff

Those are there so republican senators can accidentally tell on themselves.

They’ll roll out the Zuckbot for some public speaking so everyone can focus on how weird he is instead of anything else.

Probably asked the pope why he’s not wearing a suit

People think I’m some sort of TV repair wizard but it’s very easy to fix up dumpster TVs if you have a little patience and space. Broken TVs fall into two categories - broken screen or broken board (doesn’t turn on, error screens, flickering). Stick to more popular models and when you find a broken screen, take the board and note the model. When you find a broken board of the same model, just swap it. It usually really is that easy. You can work in the opposite direction too and collect good screens waiting for good boards, but that starts to take up a lot of space quick because you’re storing whole TVs at that point.

You will also inexplicably find a fully working 55" TV sitting at the dumpster 10% of the time.