I’m sorry, that sounds like it’s gonna suck :(

Unfortunately I’m a terrible liar so I can’t really offer any advice, but I hope everything turns out alright.

Hey!! Welcome :3

I’m sorry, I know this kind of stuff really sucks. This is the kinda person I’d love to treat as if they’re the weird one (because they are) but I’m always too scared to do so. They could have been prodding to see if you were trans, but I’ve had people ask me if I’m a girl or not before (I said no because I believed that), and from what I could tell they were asking sincerely, sometimes gender non-conformity just confuses people.

Edit: Sorry I re-read, that’s probably just transphobia my bad. Sorry you had to go through that

I would try not to worry about it if you do see him, congrats on the prog!

Congrats!

You definitely don’t suck. Thank you for not going through with anything, and if you can I think you should look into what you can do to get help. Enjoy the pizza :)

Pleaaasee Miisha, you aren’t a man, and I say that with complete certainty. Please stay, I really hope you can stay and get through this. I’ve sent a request on matrix if you want to talk.

Yayyy!! Congrats!

Damn, I pretty much always use strong hair mousse for similar reasons, though I’ve been using better conditioner since so maybe I should see how it looks naturally again.

Yes, monotherapy sounded the best for me, and you’d be glad to know I decided on SubQ because of a comment you made on your old account (so thank you!)

writing all of your passwords down on paper …

omg, if someone interjected like that when I’m helping someone that would also drive me mad, so I feel you, very funny to read though (sorry).

My passwords are pretty long though, never done a “1234”, so on multiple occasions I’ve had people stare at my screen in horror (and sometimes ask) when I’m typing them in. I mostly use a pattern of (usually transport nerd) key phrases chained together with sometimes a special character. At least I didn’t take from my dad, who forgets his passwords (from lack of use) and then gets frustrated, only to do it all over again when he next accesses the account.

Oh yes no of course, I have a blood test scheduled on the 24th, I already did one before starting as well, sorry if I worried you. I probably should have asked first and yeah the 4mg was done more on impulse, my mind was all over the place on Monday, otherwise I would’ve just simply included it in my initial dose. I’m absolutely sure everything is fine though, I’m aiming for monotherapy so overshooting isn’t an issue if it does happen.

I’ll never understand you 😆 /s

And yeahh, I am a bit silly when it comes to things like that, though I don’t store passwords in txt files, that is absolutely insane, I just keep them in my head like a normal crazy person. I’m just lazy and I already store lots of notes in txt files on my computer.

OMG! Thank you so much!

I was just going to use a txt file for tracking my injections lol, probably still will keep writing to it so I can have a more verbose log, but I’m definitely going to be using this app too!

I’m currently just using the graph on diyhrt.coffee for my projected levels, still soaring up at the moment (pre-HRT was 36pg/mL so probably between 100-200 at this point), but it helped me course correct (take an extra 4mg to boost my first injection) since it would’ve originally taken 2 extra weeks before actually even getting to where it needs to be. An estimate graph will help so much especially when I get my first blood test, so I’ll very much appreciate having it saved in an app.

Supply management should be good for me, I already have a backup vial and will plan to always have one so I won’t have any issues, but this will probably come in handy when I start progesterone later in my transition.

omg this is so sweet! I’m glad you were able to have a great time.

I think I have a very similar experience, I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, prior to that I think I was just very quiet, I’m not sure if I have autism though, I just know I developed a social anxiety disorder gradually.

It also makes so much more sense to me now that I know I have gender dysphoria, in the past few years a lot of the social anxiety had shifted toward gender fueled anxiety, like I’m being viewed as someone inherently less safe to be around, or that I’m intruding. It probably didn’t help I went to a boys secondary school (when I developed the social anxiety and dysphoria), and then in sixth form was thrown into classes with almost all women, I’m sure if I were placed back there I would feel just as bad as I did when I was taking classes there. I’ve since gone and changed my name legally so I’ve basically killed off my ability to boymode now (mostly).

I think you should go as yourself, but it’s all up to how you think you’d manage. I know myself that nothing bad will happen, the worst case is I’ll just run home and not even attend. For me I’m trying a strategy of just taking myself somewhere, like to an event, and then worrying about it, but sometimes that doesn’t work out and I should’ve probably prepared myself mentally instead.

I hope all the best for you though, try to take it easy, I know it’s hard <3

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I get this (to a degree), I feel really shit about myself a lot of mornings. I’m glad you’re still here though all this though.

I don’t really envy cis girls specifically (though I do envy cis girls), but I wish I transitioned earlier, in my early teens, and I also envy a lot of passing trans women, I just want to be at a stage where I can be who I want to be. Usually my response to feeling like I don’t belong is to try and block (mentally) or forget about those people, I don’t want to fit in with people I find shit.

Like minty said, you’re gonna have to manage, it’s much kinder on yourself to want or experience the things you absolutely can, and not mourning those you can’t. The time has passed for a lot of earlier experiences, I know that sucks, but there’s so much more you can look forward too, there’s no reason why you can’t socially fit in in the way you want to (at the very least with inner circles).

I know I shouldn’t really ask (let me know if I’m ever making you feel worse), but while you were out did anyone do anything to make you feel this way? When I go out, there’s nothing that makes me feel bad, if left alone I kind of just start feeling that way, I start mulling over even the smallest of things, like how people look at me, when people don’t look I wonder why, when people do look I think it must be because I’m weird. However it doesn’t take much for someone to tip the scales, even just one good interaction can make me feel much better.

Regardless it really helps to have some people to confide in, in real life, I’m gonna keep telling you to get a group of friends you can go out with or do fun things together, maybe do a girls night out or whatever. When I went to pride I felt so happy, just being around people like that makes all the difference.

Also, you are a woman, don’t kid yourself. Putting so much effort just to pass sucks, but I saw the last post you made, you’re absolutely passing there, at least to me, I wish you could see it someday.

That sounds so sweet, I’m happy you get to experience this all for the first time!

Honestly in my case I also don’t do public bathrooms, so it’s been a while (years?) but I’ll probably stick to the men’s bathroom because my social anxiety definitely won’t let me go in the other one.

I hope the gathering at the weekend goes well <3

I think I can see the difference, also that smile in the last pic is really sweet, you look really confident!

Yeah, the stubble sucks, but I manage, I’ll get laser one day!

Thank you so much <3, just like you I wish to see it one day.

Also you say you have love/hate relationship with your hair, but girl you don’t even know! I love it for the compliments but god is it ever difficult, that and I’m thinking of styling it different but unfortunately bangs are out of the question, they would be a nightmare to get right, by comparison to shaving though I don’t hate managing my hair, it’s frustrating but it’s not like I feel dysphoric styling it, and the maintenance is still reasonable.

Anyway I’m glad you’re feeling better now

I might be just silly cause I know I can be pretty socially unaware, but if I were to go by stereotypes, then in all your pictures you’re quite conserved/reserved(?), like you don’t try to take up a lot of space or make yourself seem bigger. I’m probably just grasping though.

Also, never blame yourself for others misgendering you, at the very least no one is at fault, you don’t owe it to anyone to fit gender norms. I mean I’m out right now with pretty bad makeup ontop of a slight stubble since I only shaved yesterday evening, I don’t have the time to fix it so I just left it on, the wrong person could call me a slur probably, but that hasn’t happened yet, I’ve only noticed people being more certious to me than normal (twice since I left). Maybe it’s the area I live in, cause I did just pass the theatre and they had a whole charriot out with I think a couple people in drag, and a bunch of people all glammed up (sorry I just had to share that, not something you see everyday!)

Edit: also, you’re welcome <3, always!

I’ve been hugging my blahaj for the past hour so I feel very similar.

I assume it is ok to give virtual hugs?

big hug