Hope those rentals come with mirrors.

I’m glad you’re asking this question, it’s about time.

They brought a stool over…

That makes sense, they’d have to supply it for a C-section but not a vaginal birth since all that pushing means the stool typically just shows up.

I brought down all my department’s services to take a day off and blame it on Amazon. Next year when negotiating a raise/budget increase, I’ll point to this incident and take credit for migrating us off AWS after six months of in-person training classes (either in places I haven’t visited or would like to see again) and another six months of hard work in the office (napping in the server room).

2026 is looking pretty good already and I definitely won’t regret tempting fate by saying that.

Give the tram operator a high-vis vest for the invulnerability buff, a set of orange retractable belt stanchions to create an impermeable barrier for innocent passersby, and enough TNT to clear the obstruction. May need to mend the tracks a little depending on placement constraints but it’ll solve the problem at 69 hectometers per second.

They can bukkake him with ribbons and medals until he looks like a North Korean general, guy is still a corrupt braindead pedo and deserves no respect. I won’t complain about him supporting Ukraine to push (what’s left of) the Russians back to Russia though.

Yeah but only if they’re 23- and 40-year-old former illegal street racers.

We’re fucked and now it’s a matter of determining how much fuckeder we’re going to be.

ignored repeated stern warnings

I hate it when I run through a crowd with my fist leading the way, shouting “Don’t get punched, don’t get punched, don’t get punched!” and then they think it’s my fault when somebody hits my fist with their face. Can’t they see I’m the victim here?

FCC Bribe Fee: $30.00

Oops, now it’s Apple gift cards for the nice “IRS” guy who found grandma’s Toyota Corolla on the border with a trunk full of cocaine.

They each get a spin on the Wheel of Bereavement. Prizes include a multi-pack of Cheetos, Lada (used), or a copy of The Sims 3 _{or an enlistment contract.}

You should take fewer showers.

I have an idea but it requires several pairs of simultaneously-activated key switches and will probably end humanity.

There have been some interesting DEFCON talks on the subject.

DEFCON 19: And That’s How I Lost My Eye: Exploring Emergency Data Destruction (w speaker) / Invidious: Nadeko or instance selection

DEF CON 23 - Zoz - And That’s How I Lost My Other Eye…Explorations in Data Destruction (Fixed) / Invidious: Nadeko or instance selection

Some of the Invidious instances are busted due to recent changes but Nadeko seems to be working for now.

That’s reserved for if they make it past the first three levels of security. EASY and pals are #2.

EASY does it: Experimental Autonomous Securitybot, Yellow.

…mines at the back of the garage…

Holy shit, you are serious about your physical security!

“If countries see that central bank money can disappear if European politicians see fit, they might decide to withdraw their reserves from the eurozone,” he added.

What’s the problem there? You don’t get the privilege of working with bloodthirsty imperialist powers like Putin’s Russia?

If someone’s about to do some shady shit, transferring all their money out is one more piece of information that could be observed and fed to the analysts to gauge how serious they are about it. Seems useful.

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