Thank you!

I remember you shared the letter here. I’m glad to know her initial reaction was good. Things won’t always go smoothly between you, but as long as she’s trying to understand and support you, it’ll be alright. Good luck on your journey!

Alright, listen.

I understand you’re considering starting HRT, and that’s a big decision, so it’s only natural you have fears and doubts. It’s also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.

You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like – what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.

That feeling doesn’t exist.

I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I’ve ever done – but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.

Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you’re trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can’t act on their feelings until they’re 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn’t.

Mind you, I’m not telling you to start right away either – it’s perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I’m not even telling you to start at all. You’re the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It’s a frustrating answer, I know, but it’s the only honest one I can give you.

I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, but I’m honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don’t let them paralyze you.

That works too.

This is pretty good. I do have a few suggestions, but of course, these are only suggestions – it’s your letter, and your mom, after all.

First, I understand that you kept the masculine form of words because you don’t want to overwhelm your mom, right? I definitely understand that, but I think it sends a dubious message as well. You’re saying you’re trans, but you’re still referring to yourself with male terms. That could certainly backfire – at worst, your mom could infer that deep down, you don’t really see yourself as a woman after all. Have you considered switching halfway from masculine to feminine words instead? For example, from the “I’m pretty sure I’m transgender” point onward. That really drives the point home of “you’ve known me as a man up until now, but from now on I want you to treat me as a woman”.

Also, at some point you say “I don’t know what you’ve heard about trans people” which leads me to think she might have some misconceptions and prejudice. Many people associate being trans with “moral degradation”, so at worst, she might think of your coming out as a sign that you’re going to start using drugs and whatnot… It might be a good idea to emphasize that you’re still the same person as always, only your gender isn’t what they thought.

Having said all that, I hope it goes well for you.