Working out, eating healthier, regular bedtime/sleep, reading a good book and less screen time help. Dialing down alcohol, caffeine and weed. Watching a few intro to cognitive behavioral therapy videos helps too. You’re probably ruminating. Developing the correct language to name your cognitive distortions, and being able to understand that just because you feel an emotion doesn’t mean that’s how things really happened helps.

That being said it sounds like you’re going through some rough stuff. Hang in there.

If it becomes an AI homelab, that’s not so crazy.

So not a solution you’re asking for but the remarkable e-ink tablet has a great set of apps for mobile devices and computers. It hosts your books in the cloud so you’ll always have access to stuff anywhere with internet. Automatically syncs across devices. Pretty slick.