“Okay, Judas Iscariot. I have a grand universal plan to eradicate original sin from the mortal plane. You have an extremely critical role in all of this: you must betray Jesus Christ, leading to his arrest, conviction and inevitable crucifixion.”
“Sure thing, God. What do I get in return?”
“As thanks for carrying out my plan exactly as I laid it out, you get several pieces of silver.”
"Oh and a sweet deal in the afterlife, right?
…
…
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And a sweet deal in the afterlife… Right?"
I’m at my happiest when I’m making a video like putting a strawberry in my butt and pushing it out
Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life
Jesus was super anti gay. You can tell by the way he hung out with exclusively men, rubbing their feet and kissing them on the lips like all heterosexual men do.
Treat your body like a garbage dump the night beforehand, too. Cheap Mexican, beer , etc. Nothing illegal about ripping some nuclear grade rancid farts in proximity to other people.
Hint: priests/religious leaders, republican politicians, anti-LGBTQ activists
“But I’m straight”
“So is spaghetti… Until it gets wet.”
“Okay but that’s a bad analogy because I just turn ten stories tall when I get wet.”
"You’re absolutely right! Shaking the baby is incredibly dangerous and I told you to do it anyway! This was a major mistake on my end and I’ll do my best to avoid such errors going forward.
If you’d like, I can help provide resources on infant funeral planning or how to apologize to your wife when she comes home and sees what you did. Just let me know what you’d like hear more about."
But that would mean the bible is a lie. Surely a book that starts with a creation story, only for its second chapter to be a different creation story, and has 4 separate and often conflicting accounts of a Jewish, immigrant, hippy, socialist’s life could not contain a LIE!
He had a minor role in Home Alone 2, then I think he spent a bunch of time visiting some other putz’s private island.
My life now but just enough more money to feel secure and also I’d be a girl
The Dope Fiend Lean
Flavortown, OH
Netmaxxing
I like the part where they figured out the previously undiscovered secret in the race was to drive backwards. I tried that shit in Mario Kart when I was 8, you’re telling me NOBODY had tried it in that game before?
It’s definitely incel erotica. Saw a video once demonstrating that Reacher never actually needs to initiate anything with a woman, show any interest whatsoever, flirt, etc. He just sorta exists in proximity to women and they just sort of “give” him the sex that they apparently owe him for being the main character.
I love that, despite being a comedy, they actually address problems that 99% of apocalypse media ignores such as gasoline going bad, reactors melting down, etc.
Especially if it’s using that annoyingly upbeat robot voice.
“Dead internet theory”
At what point do we drop the theory part?
Some lessons I learned from Trump’s first term that so many people apparently did not:
I would love to be proven wrong, but keeping these things in mind helps me to avoid unnecessary disappointment.
Just put a “not for use in the state of California” disclaimer somewhere. Then automatically set every user’s birthday to January 1st, 1970.