Well, so yesterday night i had tthe “luck” of getting to feel what depersonalisation and derealisation (DPDR) actually feels like.
I got woken up in the middle of the night to do something quite short and i almost instantly realise “Something aint right. Everything feels weird”. And then slowly I realised, what it was that I felt. It felt like I was watching someone control my body. If I wanted to lift my arm Icould “feel” felt how my brain sended the command to my body execute, and suddenly my arm moved. I felt like my true self was a few centimeters below my skin, waiting to get released from its fleshy vehicle. Everything i touched felt like i touched it with a quite big glove on. If I walked i felt like watching a stream of my body moving while sitting somewhere else with a VR Headset. Luckyly it faded away quite fast, after I was finished with what I had to do (it took 5 Minutes at max) and laid back in an attempt to sleep (which of course didnt work that well, since my mind was still processing the experience it just had).
This was devinetively the weirdest experience I had in my lifetime.
Gotta love those moments where you start to think “oh. Thats… not normal?” 😐 like looking at a word youve read and said thousands of times and thinking it looks weird?
Then again i can almost disassociate on command so shrug (i think of the crowd noises at the end of Pink Floyd - Welcome To The Machine) and I’m generally quite disoriented when i wake up anyway
Yeah learning that a lot of dysphoria symptoms are, in fact, not commonly experienced by most people was quite the revelation to me.
When I read that article that starts with a copy/paste of the DSM symptom list for dpdr before saying what that list is, I was like “why is this article just a giant list about me?”
Interesting there’s a name to describe things I kinda just assumed were partly just an autism thing.