So, if both American and Dutch parents value independence, why do Dutch kids seem so much happier? I wonder if the key difference lies in how both sets of parents understand what freedom for kids looks like.
“Dutch parenting is all about raising self-sufficient kids,” Tracy told me. “My older two (ages 12 and 14) bike more than 10 kilometers (6 miles) daily to school since there are no school buses.
“If a teacher cancels a class, students just have free time instead of a substitute. My 14-year-old had two canceled classes this morning and simply stayed home until noon. This would be a logistical nightmare for schools and parents if we didn’t just expect our kids to sort it out.”
Dutch parenting, according to the close to a dozen parents in the Netherlands I spoke with, emphasizes allowing children a freedom of movement that many American kids don’t have. When I was in Haarlem and Amsterdam, bikes and little kids on bikes were everywhere.
Good article. We moved to an open concept neighborhood (low open fences, not “privacy” style) and the kids have a lot of movement around the neighborhood since it’s safe, and it has a lot of trails, wide sidewalks, and bike lanes. Yes, it’s more affluent. They’ve definitely been a lot happier than our last house where privacy fences were everywhere. They made friends a lot faster and seem to know everyone.
I grew up in the suburbs of a midwestern city, where we could run into the woods to play army or ride bikes in a closed neighborhood (not gated, just no through traffic) or walk from yard to yard with no fences except for houses with pools or walk to the next neighborhood over. We were free to explore as long as we didn’t cross certain streets and came home by dark. We walked to the bus stop to go to school.
Contrast that to where I live now in a major metropolitan city where kids never see “the woods”, can’t safely ride bikes anywhere but bike paths, have tall privacy fences blocking both socializing but also blocking multi-yard sports areas, have no “neighborhoods,” and have to be driven by parents in a car directly to school (where they have to wait in a line of 100 cars to pick up kids everyday). How can kids ever become self sufficient? They have to be parented every minute of their lives until they are 16. It’s wild.
But that is in the US. When I visit Europe there are kids by themselves on the subway going wherever a 10 year old needs to go.
Good article. We moved to an open concept neighborhood (low open fences, not “privacy” style) and the kids have a lot of movement around the neighborhood since it’s safe, and it has a lot of trails, wide sidewalks, and bike lanes. Yes, it’s more affluent. They’ve definitely been a lot happier than our last house where privacy fences were everywhere. They made friends a lot faster and seem to know everyone.
Honestly that quote sounds a lot like my childhood in Minnesota in the late 80s and early 90s.
Some of that might be rosy retrospection but I wonder how much this has changed in the US over the years.
I grew up in the suburbs of a midwestern city, where we could run into the woods to play army or ride bikes in a closed neighborhood (not gated, just no through traffic) or walk from yard to yard with no fences except for houses with pools or walk to the next neighborhood over. We were free to explore as long as we didn’t cross certain streets and came home by dark. We walked to the bus stop to go to school.
Contrast that to where I live now in a major metropolitan city where kids never see “the woods”, can’t safely ride bikes anywhere but bike paths, have tall privacy fences blocking both socializing but also blocking multi-yard sports areas, have no “neighborhoods,” and have to be driven by parents in a car directly to school (where they have to wait in a line of 100 cars to pick up kids everyday). How can kids ever become self sufficient? They have to be parented every minute of their lives until they are 16. It’s wild.
But that is in the US. When I visit Europe there are kids by themselves on the subway going wherever a 10 year old needs to go.