I know /how/ to date in itself, but I’m curious how other AuDHDers go about meeting people to date. Ive only been let down and demoralized using mainstream apps, and the advice of “go find a group hangout” feels very antithetical to my entire being. I hate being in large groups where I know no one. I’m pretty jaded by the idea of just waiting for that right person to come along too, when it feels like it has happened, there’s usually a reason we can’t even entertain dating, such as meeting them after they’ve just started a new relationship with someone. I feel ready and would really enjoy finding someone that doesn’t need all the masks and can love me for who I am, but I feel like I don’t know how to go about meeting the right person.
So I’m curious, how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?
I was in a simmilar situation a while ago
For a multitude of reasons I left mainstream society as whole and began hanging out with alternative and queer communities exclusively.
Along with other things I noted my dating experience was improving significantly. Not only did I found other neurodivergent folk with whom a social interaction was fun, but I was influenced by what I actually wanted in a partner.
After becoming poly and beginnging my transition, going back to dating in “normie-space” turned out to be impossible.
At this point I think the difference in what I need and what the mainstream can provide is to large. The people who understand me most are the ones whom I share a connection with, either by having simmilar conditions or modes of thinking in general. Those are the people I want to date and who also want to date me, for simmilar reasons.
Maybe not a feasible option for you, but I know others who have a simmilar story like this. Hope you find a fitting solution
How do you even find queer space, not even for dating just hanging out?
… Maybe I could manage that without wanting to die from simply existing among other people.
I live in a bigger city which has some more left and alterntaive leaning areas. Usually there you find some locations where events are hosted.
Not sure about the socialising part, but regular public meetups might be a good point to start
Poly is certainly not in the cards for me, but increasing time with my queer friends sounds like it’s certainly worth exploring. Even if they don’t have other straight friends, at least I’ll still get quality time with good people.
One last piece of advice:
Dont look for dates, look for cool people and find out later who you click with. Changes the expectations and puts less strain on minds and it filters out political imcompatible people. After all, what good is it to just find a nice “date” and then they tell you that abortion is morally wrong?
Good general advice! I wholeheartedly agree, I know I’d prefer a partner I already know can be a best friend. I fell it helps with much the early relationship anxieties from letting down the masks to be able to truly be yourself, too.