I housed a teen for a while and my rules were anything had to be safe and with positive consent. I knew banning sex under my roof was a fools errand.

I also gave permission to use me as “the bad guy”. That if they ever were unsure and wanted an excuse, they could say, “ugh, Vanth makes me keep the door open. Lame adult, amiright?” They used that at least once that I know of.

They’re an awesome adult now who is far better at having healthy relationships than I was at that age.

I have a feeling this is something very American. I’ve never heard of or experienced this kind of bullshit in Germany. It’s completely normal to start having sex. Just make sure that there are condoms and let the teens be teens.

Ah yes, an open door, the ultimate and unbreakable curse that forbids a teenager for having sex no matter what.

The best thing a parent can do when their kids become sexually active is to buy them condoms. Many unsecure sex at that age is done out of pure embarrassment over going to a place to buy them or having their parents know what they are doing. They are going to have sex regardless, at least do your best so it is safe sex.

Lmao. “Parents of lemmy…”

Responses: if i ever have kids…

You haven’t brought age and maturity into this discussion and it’s a big piece of info on scaling the answer. 14 no. 17 possibly.

Secondly there is the other minor to consider. As a parent it is my job to ensure the visiting minor is safe and comfortable so even if my child wants the door closed and I trust them it could still be a no.

There are so many variables here. It’s never a simple yes I would or no I wouldn’t. It’s a parents job to read the room in the literal sense here. You are a parent first before you are a friend and sometimes that goes against a child’s wants in the moment.

Gen X here. My mother (boomer, hippie) would have friends over and they’d smoke, they’d send the friend’s kid up to my room, upstairs and around the corner. Didn’t matter if the door was open or closed, they were in the makeshift den (converted garage) stoned outta their gourds. I had a few girls up, and I remember one flashing me and being nervous about it. Looking back I think she was giving me a hint, somewhere between “I wanna see yours” and “come get this.” But I was a dumb teenage boy and I think I just played on the Nintendo or the computer (had both in my bedroom). But yeah, had a few girls up there, and it didn’t matter if we had the door open or closed, if we wanted to hook up, our parents wouldn’t have known (except my bedroom was directly above the garage, though my mother would also play her records, so maybe they wouldn’t have heard thumping).

Straight guy, but again, I wasn’t really interested in hooking up in those days. And when I say “friend’s kid” I mean boys or girls, as young as 5 or 6 and as old as 16 or 17. I was 13-15 when I lived there. If it was a little kid, I was designated the babysitter and would entertain the kid. I was pretty good at it. Only one or twice was it a girl my age. About half the time it was a boy, and about 3/4 of the time they were way too young — not that I was really into girls, or enough to try to make a move even if they were the right age. They were all, as the guy says in Fight Club about airplane neighbors, “disposable friends.” Or was it “single-use”? So I never made a move on the girls my age; whether they were attractive to me or not, we just played Nintendo or computer games or looked at comic books or something.

no?! I dont wanna see them have sex wtaf

Early children ruin lives. Early sex with out risk of child is fine.

Every parent of a gay or bisexual child iv ever talked to about this topic has had the same thought process.

If not for the risk of early grandkid then they wouldn’t really care.

Teenagers are horny they going to do what animals do. But they arnt smart enough generally to do it safely in most cases.

depends what they were doing in there

It’s an old house, so usually we keep the doors open for ventilation.

If they were making out, I don’t wanna see that, close the door.

In Austria, where I’m from, sex ed in school gets a brief introduction at age 10 when learning about the human anatomy, gradually learning more in biology class. Before ending middle school, there’s a mandatory intensive sex ed course, at least that was the thing 17 years ago.

Condoms were primarily advertised as medical products for preventing from sexual diseases, and only secondly as pregnancy preventions.

1 in 10 has had sex with 14 years old in my country, keep it safe, better at home with condoms than in the woods without. If they want to, they’ll find a way.

Define kids.

Not a parent, but here’s my perspective.

My mother always made me work for it. She had a door open policy among other things. She didn’t actually care if I was doing the things I wasn’t supposed to be doing, she just didn’t want to find out. If she found out, it meant I was being too careless/stupid. It’s actually a really good way to build up your risk evaluation skills! I did occasionally get myself in trouble (not with sex but other things), and she would help me out of the situation. Id get a lecture about what I did wrong afterwards, but honestly she was pretty good at teaching me.

Not a parent and I’ve honestly no idea what I’d do if the occasion arises.

I’d like to raise a family, but I’m also not sure how it would come to be. I haven’t quite understood the urge to have sex, at least not in the way many people seem to. Always had the door open, not at the command of my parents, but because I never felt any reason to close it. Might literally have to ask my children for their perspective.

From what you’ve described it seems their main concern was you not getting pregnant.
As to whether it was the best strategy, depends on their beliefs and what other options you and your boyfriend had.

As long as they use contraceptive they can do whatever they want. And by that I mostly mean IUD and pills because condom are trash that make sex not worth having