Kid: I forgot.
Me: You need to work on remembering things a bit better.
Kid: Well somebody told me that as you get older you can’t remember things as well.
Me: Not at 7 years old!
Kid: Well maybe you told me and you just don’t remember.

We asked her if she was excited to go to the pool tomorrow.

“Yeah! I can’t swallow gum.”

She’s never had a piece of gum in her life.

My kid just added ‘ugh’ to their vocabulary, as teenagers do. It’s amusing coming from an 8 year old.

Pancakes?? Yell when they’re ready, and we’ll run over like hares and devour them like lions!

“I’m causing some music”

To be fair, it did not sound like the music wanted to be played.

2 year old taking a big drink of milk. “Tastes like ahhhh”

6yo in the shower: Mom, for some reason when I twist my nipples I fart.

Wife: that’s wonderful dear.

6yo in the shower: now I can fart whenever I want.

“Daddy, can I have some bum worms?”