Hey wonderful ladies, gents and everyone outside!
I wanted to ask if anyone else experienced something like this early on their feminising journey: I’ve recently finally shared my dramas/worries around my gender identity with my doctor (after who knows how long of the writing being on the wall and loud) and suddenly things are a bit easier, it feels like I can breathe a bit deeper, the internal strife is quieter. But within my consciousness i don’t think i feel any different? It’s almost like a silent subconscious side of me was trying to scream for years that something was wrong, and I’ve finally listened at least a bit so it’s stopped fighting me, although the “me” i experience doesn’t seem to care that much.
I ofc feel relieved (and terrified!) to have talked about it at all. But it feels deeper than that, and this deeper peace I’m experiencing is obvious to observe within myself. I’m planning to ask to speak to a specialist next appointment but that could be weeks or months away and I’d like to try to make some sense of it before then! Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who this topic would 100% be safe with, they’ve all shown at least yellow or orange flags of transphobia.
I’d love to hear any of your own stories or similar experiences. Also thank you for this community, i don’t think i would have opened up if it wasn’t for the tales and thoughts shared.
There are a ton of little ways you can explore this feeling while you wait for the next steps. You don’t have to tell anyone that you don’t feel safe to tell. You’ve done a really scary thing already, which is to listen to these feelings and let them in.
For me, the little things were stuff like painting my nails, buying and wearing the cute bracelets or rings I always thought were too femme coded for me. Even just imagining how I would feel if my friends saw me as a woman and used “she/her” with me. None of this stuff has to out you to anyone. If you’re scared to do them in public you don’t have to. You’re in control.
When I tried them, these things made me feel good in a way I’d never ever felt before and I’ve just been following that feeling every since really.
That might lead you towards transitioning, it might not, both things are okay. You have time. Nobody can tell you who you are except you.
Rooting for you babes, good luck.
Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement. Unfortunately i definitely am too anxious about it to do anything long term or public, maybe i could try shaving my legs as i wear pants all the time.
I think i really need to meet some people on a similar journey.
Finding IRL friends and community is really great and it will help you figure yourself out. I don’t know what you have available near you but you might find queer and queer-friendly events nearby. They might have associated groups, meetups, socials etc. If you can find a friend or two to be open with about your journey it’ll make the whole thing much more fun. Wishing you all the best.
I didn’t think about that! That i don’t necessarily need to find just trans or gender curious people, but that the whole community would maybe be quite open to me. That’s a big relief honestly, as though people around me maybe don’t fully understand trans people, they sure are more accepting of homosexual or asexual people. Lowering the stress of being found out.
I feel really damn silly now. I’ve been purely looking for trans groups. Thanks!
<3