Yeah you got it. Apparently her character was originally written as a transphobic bit (haha wouldn’t it be funny if the socially awkward guy went on a date and it turned out the date was trans), but I think the actor really took it seriously and the writers consulted with trans advocacy groups and they brought on a trans woman to consult formally and make sure Hayley wasnt just a characature. It wasn’t perfect by any means but it was really interesting to compare with now where a trans person’s inclusion would be considered a pure political statement and the hate machine would immediately spin into overdrive.

That’s what I want! I think i found a place near me, and I saw a Google review from a trans woman who said they were kind and affirmative. I’m still working up the courage.

You have awesome energy :3

When you bought your nice wig did you spend time getting it fitted? Was there a fitting room and someone to help you pick one out? I feel like having a more personal touch here like you get at high end clothes shops might be useful for me.

I’ve not yet, i might try though now you’ve said it! I wear various cute hats and I guess I have a sortof alt / punk vibe anyway so very short hair can sortof fit.

I really feel you though sister. Male pattern baldness is really brutal for us. It was actually a big part of how I realised I was trans because the dysphoria became unbearable as it started to happen. I appreciate you bringing this question up.

I’m still in the cheap wig stage and still very early in transition. I assume I will get more and more frustrated with the quality (right now still just happy to have hair, oh to have been on E 10 years ago). I’m also interested in what the pricey ones might be like.

This made me audibly squeel with joy.

You handled it incredibly well. They’re really very scary. I had my first one in ages this week too!

I saw a documentary on Hayley from Coronation Street (first trans character on a long running UK soap opera). She was (for the most part) reasonably sensitively portrayed and her actress (a cis woman) was at least very careful to listen to trans voices at the time and I believe has been a decent ally since (if I’m wrong please correct me). She ended up becoming a core cast member that stuck around for 16 years.

The thing that struck me was how the public conversation was really different to how it would be now. The right hadn’t yet re-organised and rallied against “woke”. The anti trans mob wasn’t really a thing (of course transphobia was very real, just seemingly less organised). There was a lot of language that feels icky now but it just didn’t seem like the same level of toxicity we have to deal with in current year.

Disclaimer: I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.

I experience that same feeling. Before I cracked, i thought this was just sortof sexual or physical attraction but now I realise that a huge amount of the of the way I felt looking at women was some kind of envy of their aesthetic and nothing to do with sexuality or attraction (don’t get me wrong, still very much attracted to women, i just never realised that there were two seperate feelings happening and that it’s perfectly possible to feel one without the other).

I don’t know if these match your experience but things I’ve been trying to focus on:

1. Remembering that basically every straight, cis woman in my life has expressed to me that they feel that same way about other women (comparing, envy, self-doubt etc). It’s just a really common experience. Most women feel it. I’m certain men feel it too, but it’s harder for them to talk about maybe? I never felt envy for another man’s appearance (surprise surprise) but I don’t doubt that they do feel it.

2. The level of self-hatred I experienced when I looked down at my unaltered testosterone body is so much worse than any feelings of inadequacy i have when i compare myself with other women. As other commenters have mentioned, I’ve been trying to only compare myself with my past self. The bar for that is so low that I win every time :).

3. Realising that whatever I want to look like, however far away i might feel from that, I can actually make small changes all over the place (tattoos, piercings, makeup, jewellery, clothing, hair styling, hair removal, etc.) that make me like my appearance more than I did before. It might never be exactly what I want, but I think I’d internalised this silly idea that I should just have to play the cards I was dealt and try to accept everything as it was. The small wins are great and worth it.

Get it girl!

<3

Finding IRL friends and community is really great and it will help you figure yourself out. I don’t know what you have available near you but you might find queer and queer-friendly events nearby. They might have associated groups, meetups, socials etc. If you can find a friend or two to be open with about your journey it’ll make the whole thing much more fun. Wishing you all the best.

There are a ton of little ways you can explore this feeling while you wait for the next steps. You don’t have to tell anyone that you don’t feel safe to tell. You’ve done a really scary thing already, which is to listen to these feelings and let them in.

For me, the little things were stuff like painting my nails, buying and wearing the cute bracelets or rings I always thought were too femme coded for me. Even just imagining how I would feel if my friends saw me as a woman and used “she/her” with me. None of this stuff has to out you to anyone. If you’re scared to do them in public you don’t have to. You’re in control.

When I tried them, these things made me feel good in a way I’d never ever felt before and I’ve just been following that feeling every since really.

That might lead you towards transitioning, it might not, both things are okay. You have time. Nobody can tell you who you are except you.

Rooting for you babes, good luck.

I just took it all off fairly recently. I am working toward the more permenant solutions, but just getting rid of the werewolf hair felt amazing. Hell even sitting in the bath shaving my legs to maintain things afterwards feels amazing because that just so femme coded, and compared to the “haven’t ever shaved” situation, it just feels like basic maintenance now. The disgust at having body hair changed to the euphoria of “oh hey im doing that woman thing of shaving my legs in the bath like loads of women do”.

It’s not gonna be the exact smooth and soft feeling i want for a while, but even just the visual improvement when i look down, hell even just my arms, i like wearing tshirts now. I’m glad i did it.

Actually yeah here’s one, my partner a few days after I started coming out to her:

“You know you’ve always talked about desperately wanting to remove all your body hair, like ever since we were first together (16 years ago)”. I was like “Have I? Oh yeah I guess I have”.

I’m literally amazed at my inability to have seen this stuff earlier. I keep remembering stuff like this that just has me looking back like “you dumb egg”.

sooo much stuff that just suddenly is so easy to explain

Someone posted a meme a while ago about the “I dont have gender dysphoria” to “oh that’s what gender dysphoria is and I have a whole lot of it” pipeline. A lot of stuff in my life does make much more sense when viewed with that lens.

Thankyou for sharing your wisdoms with me. O Captain! My Captain! 🫡. I really do appreciate your thoughts and perspective.

Thank you <3. Being called sister just made me feel very nice inside. I am very lucky in having some amazing friends and a supportive partner, but I have been scared to reach out to irl groups because I’ve really internalised the idea that those spaces aren’t for me. I have some really dear close trans friends that have been hugely supportive but they live in other countries and we see eachother only maybe once per year.

I’ve recently been at some IRL events where I’ve introduced myself to new people (isn’t it so nice to do that with a new person and they dont have to re-adjust any pre-conceived opinion about you and they just go “Hi Domi, nice to meet you” and it’s no big deal? :)).

I am learning that a lot of those imposter fears that have held me back are not reflected when I actually do talk to people in trans spaces IRL. Even though I’m not yet very femme-presenting, everybody so far has made me feel welcome and valid. The same way you have here.