Switching schools. Thought maybe masking my autism would do good for finally having friends.

Here’s what I did:

1- Sit on the third line: not too much back, not too much on the front;

2- Get pretty. Bracelets, jacket…

3- Watch them talk and imitate what they talk about when they talk to you.

Well, didn’t go this well. Still getting ignored (I like to joke with my brother that “Neurotypicals have autism detectors”).

Where did I miss it? I tried joining some conversations I heard, but they were pretty unkind at me after that.

  • Idreamofcheesy@lemmy.world
    3·
    1 month ago

    It takes time.

    I first noticed other people looking for eye contact in 7th grade. Add that to your mask first.

    Next, you likely can’t express excitement “normally,” but it’s fairly easy to fake aloofness. Be chill.

    Finally, listen more than you talk. Most people love talking. If they feel like you’re really listening to them, they’ll want to talk to you.

    I started making my mask in middle school, but honestly it was probably halfway through high school before it felt like a “normal” person. Even then, and now 30 or so years later, it takes effort. It feels like I’m faking it a lot, and I guess that’s because I am. But my boss just complimented my personal skills, so faking it IS it.

    Keep pretending. Keep noticing what the “normals” are doing and work to imitate it. Not overtly. Just be a little quiet, chime in when you have something, and practice. And you’ll notice even when you’re trying to blend in, you’ll likely attract other neurodivergent people that will make up your core friend group.

    • MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.worldOP
      2·
      1 month ago

      Yeah, about the pratice part, I praticed smiles and presentations on the mirror and asking for feedbacks for my NT mom and brother.

      • Idreamofcheesy@lemmy.world
        2·
        1 month ago

        Honestly your smile probably looks fine. Just don’t go full smiling with your teeth showing while in conversations.

        I’ll still forget to change my facial expressions from time to time. Mirroring others helps. Try to (low-key) monitor their facial expressions and slightly copy them. They’re smiling broadly, you smile a bit. They frown deeply, you put on a concerned look - just furrow your brow a little.

        Combining mirroring their expressions with listening more than you talk and they’ll feel like you’re a really good listener.