Long road, long struggle to get housing has been over for a month. It took… 608 days from becoming on the streets homeless (not even crashing couches) But I moved into my apartment on February 1st with help from a housing org!
Now what?
I literally feel feral, idk how to connect with people, lost most social skills from the sheer dehumanization and I dont leave my apartment much because I’m afraid ill lose it or won’t be able to come back or some neurotic shit i cant help but to think.
I guess what im asking is; Formally unhoused loves of hexbear, what steps did you take to help get you back to “normal” social functioning/out of survival mode?
picture is my gfs lovely orange baby named Athena
Not homeless but institutionalized for several years as a young person. When I got out I was also pretty feral, socially fucked, and just generally not right in the head. I was also pretty depressed and had mild to severe suicidal ideation. The coffee shop down the block saved my life. Seriously.
If you can afford the couple bucks a day for a black coffee from your nearest coffee shop, go there straight away first thing when you wake up. It helped me like nothing else to have to be presentable to humans. Wake up, shower, brush teeth, put on reasonably clean clothes, go to coffee shop, be polite and pleasant with the baristas (don’t fucking hit on them or I’ll find you and punch you in the throat), get coffee, consume it slowly and not like a wild thing.
Bring a book, magazine, newspaper, whatever. Someone someday will eventually ask you about it and it’ll probably be a regular or a barista. Over time you’ll be a regular and will have a robust group of coffee friends and if you’re lucky and diligent, one or several might turn into lifelong friends.
I ended up in not one, but two bands this way. I met a partner at that coffee shop. Decades later I’m still friends with some of the people from that coffee shop. Saved my goddam life.
I love this advice.
I genuinely feel that we’re all fucked up mentally in some way, but what keeps us regular is having some kind of structure/rota where you have to interact with people - for many that’s a job, but in this increasingly unstable jobless world, it’s becoming hobby groups and face-to-face meet and greets
lmao I cried reading this like yes this is the exact advice my ass needs: clear concise and simple in a way i cant fuck up! My partners can support me with this too for going the first few times!!
as a former hikikomori, this is legitimately good advice and part of how I got out of my years-long rut. That and finally having healthcare to do therapy for my multiple conditions.
Also also im multiple months sober from all drugs except for weed and my labubu ass vape!! Which if you know me is fucking hugggge
Shit, didn’t even see this comment when I made my original comment.
Congratulations, homie. That’s incredible. Truly incredible. I’m SO glad you’re alive, and safe, SOBER (whaaaaat!?) and housed up with us hexbears.
Idk how to respond bc I am emotional but know im so happy to read this.
Congratulations on getting an apartment!
In regards to your question, I don’t think you ever go back to normal. Going through something traumatic stays with you. I think it’s now about discovering/becoming the person that persevered through everything you’ve faced. To help get out of survival mode I think it helps to start with the small things you need to do. For example showering, making your bed, putting laundry away. The first few months will barely feel real and you’ll get regular flashbacks/dreams that you’re back on the street, but they will slowly become less frequent over the years
I’m still working with homelessness orgs in the city, I can maybe ask around about any programs that might be helpful if you’d like me to
I’d love that! Can you dm me contact info and ill hyu tonight??
Ill take any help I can get. I’m kinda done trying to push away help
I’ve been couch homeless a few times and the dehumanization from that alone is harrowing enough. Take it slow, you deserve all of the kindness and patience you can give yourself, it will take time for your mind and body to internalize that you have a safe place to grieve and decompress. Remember that even the smallest and most partial piece of recovery is you discovering strength that the porkies will never have or understand. But for now, what your home offers you is not having to be strong all the time.Congratulations! When I was unhoused I was very reliant on community groups so wasn’t as isolated during the unhoused period. That said, community groups are a good way to try socializing again and often they are full of freaks and weirdos so you can’t really stand out much. I was mostly in activist type groups like food distribution, unhoused support groups, diy/hacker spaces (sometimes these have fash and zios so be aware), tenant unions, etc. You could also look into hobby groups like maybe there’s a local spot where people play board games or dnd or the kind of music you are into or make art. Another poster mentioned coffee shops which I’ve had good luck with, but also libraries are often pretty cool and kind of similar. Or maybe there are other third place kind of hang out spots like coffee shops in your area, like book stores or something. Maybe a local spot does improv classes usually these places have work trade options to avoid paying and that’s a good way to practice interacting with humans in a controlled setting and are filled with people who are generally pretty nice and also funny
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Call me Credence Clearwater Revival the way It Ain’t Me you’re trying to get help from. But I had an idea that seems just weird enough to work and if it might help I don’t want to just pass by.
What if you used an LLM to help you with errant thoughts? Like if you go to a coffee shop which is a lovely idea GnomeGodsGnomeMasters suggested. If you feel an uncomfortable thought come up, you ask ChatGPT about the thought, how to calm down, a distracting thought, an idea for a distracting thought, lash out at the AI, etc. It’s instant, impartial feedback that can’t judge you because there is no other person on the other end.
You meet the brainslop with AI slop and what you’re left with might be normal/neutral-passing in public. It’s not a perfect idea by any stretch, but it felt interesting enough to hit the post button
I tried this, don’t do it unless you’re in a good mental mind, and if you do, critique the output to hell and back
I’m curious where the idea broke down. What happened?
And also, I would anticipate that being mentally well enough to sit in a coffee shop would be the same bar for using an LLM.
I’m open to the idea this idea is DOA, but if it’s helpful we’ll have helped someone.
LLMs tendency to always glaze and affirm whatever you tell them can be especially dangerous to people who are already in a bad spot mentally. Famously, they will affirm self harm just as readily as anything else.
Ahhh, noted. Thank you, comrade.
What you’re suggesting is essentially a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is evidence based but requires training that an LLM does not have. It could be more harm than good
I thought that was Bob Dylan…
Fortunate Son was CCC, Bob Dylan might have a song with “It Ain’t Me” in it, I don’t know. Frankly I don’t want to know.
I kinda have a lot of mental health problems already so the LLM idea is out, I appreciate the helpful thought but what I need is normal but geniune interactions with people, bc thats what I haven’t had while homeless.
Of course, comrade. Before anything else I’m rooting for you
