That sounds good and I was hopeful, and I got their social media and phone number, but I’ve only got one text back in three days. They seem like they already have a group of friends from the parts of a conversation I overheard while I was sitting beside them. They know I’m trans and dealing with serious shit, but they only seemed to express small sympathies like “that’s crazy. wow.” I’m guessing now on whether I fucked up the interaction or if they knew about my past through other people. I know they’re busy with their own lives, but three days of being left without replies (and I’m not being weird, istg) is kind of insulting given that they helped me add them to my contacts and friend one of them on discord.
I just cannot relate to mentally healthy neurotypicals, they have like alien brains to me, their way of speaking and acting just seems cold and unbothered, like I will never get to actually know these people even if I spent years with them. These people really did give off vibes of the type who like to discuss other people’s drama, but have too few problems to ever become involved in things like that themselves. I have a funny feeling if I ask them for support all they would offer would be advice.
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Being trans, or even Queer of any kind, is far not enough to be instant friend. We are very different on many other aspects.
Sometimes so different, that I struggle to understand - like Queer person goin to vote far right nazi fucks, who openly say [redacted, to do bad things to Queers]. it is out of my mind, how a Queer could vote for own doom, and some still do.
For these days, finding new friends, outside school (random to have a chance, and if You still may be there) or work (simply don’t, way too rare to success) is terrifying hard. None of library, park or tavern is not a spot to find one any more. Internet meeting people spots are intended for smex instead of connecting people, and are paid af. Do anyone know some other options?
There are no other options.
Commiserating vent: my pride community center shut down before covid except for a trans youth support group, and I can’t do bars because sound sensitivity and even though we actually have multiple gay bars a lesbian bar and a trans bar (but oh, the trans bar is actually a chaser bar and the owner/employees have reports of transphobic interactions) and so many of the LGBT people I’ve met are so un-woke I want to scream.
I know we’re out here but it’s two ships passing in the night. We need spaces to find each other.
Just because you’re both trans doesn’t mean you’ll connect. My best friend is trans. So is my wife. We all have shared interests and a similar sense of humor.
I’ve met other trans women who irritate me so much. Being trans isn’t enough.
I know.
I’m not sure what you’re looking for from a friend aside for advice. What help are you looking for?
This is going to sound harsh, but it was something I needed to hear, so maybe it will help you too. There is no hero to your story aside for yourself. Whatever your problems may be, you have to figure out how to solve them on your own.
If you recently met these girls, they don’t owe you friendship or conversation. Those types of relationships develop over time. Any help you get should be welcome, but never expected.
Also, ‘that’s crazy wow’ is a generally universal dismissal when people don’t know what to say. Since you’re neurodivergent, you might have not picked up on that, but they might just not want to be friends at all. I can’t guarantee it, but if you overshared, you might have overwhelmed them.
My advice is stop fixating on them and move on. Try and figure out what drew you to them in the first place. What qualities made you feel like the could be the ones to help you?
Goodluck!
If I overshared then they gave zero hints about it and let me keep doing it, which would be pretty fucking cruel if they were silently thinking they didn’t like me while pretending to offer support.
I talked about how I knew nobody who was trans for years and I had to do everything without any help from anyone who believed I existed.
They said that I could ask them if I needed help, but you know, then this happened.
don’t get emotionally invested in having a friendship until you can see their effort of making sure you’ll make it to tbe next meeting
I get this feeling too, I can be devastated. However its important for me to not act on it, as I remind myself that its ok for them to not be my friend and its ok for me to “miss” out on an opportunity. Also acting on it, can make it worse and isn’t healthy for you nor the other person. There will be other opportunties if you keep trying. I believe in you ❤️
i struggle to connect with others. in my mind, i do the sorts of things a friend would do, but often do not see a response in kind. i feel hurt sometimes and sometimes i even want to lash out. then i remember that there are two sides to every relationship and it would be very odd if we both felt the same way. i assess who it’s worth hanging onto and who isn’t and if they are i give them space and if they aren’t i let them go. in either case how they act or react has nothing to do with me.
i think it’s also very important to remember that we really can’t know what the other person is thinking. i like to use the bob wiley method for relationships:
you know, i treat people as if they were a telephone. if i meet somebody that i don’t think likes me, i say to myself, ‘bob, this one’s just temporarily out of order. don’t break the connection, just hang up and try again!’
anyway, i hope y’all can be friends and if you can’t i hope you find others. i hope this helps and best of luck!
I’ve never found any others in this city.
that really sucks. do you have opportunities to meet people outside your city?
No.
if there’s one thing i know about people it’s that they tend to move around. no telling who might come into your life. and maybe the girls you met will come around. signals can get crossed and sometimes people just need space for any variety of reasons.
I’m tired of my life.
i don’t know what to say. i’m sorry.
i’m clearly not helping you. i’m sorry about that too.
i hope things get better. i hope you give them the chance to.
It’s fine.
I would not define people who do this and who you yourself describe as having “too few issues to _” as mentally healthy generally.
Unfortunately, being trans is just that… Being trans. Mean, complacent, or even generally willfully ignorant people are a different thing that can coexist with being trans. Essentially, not all trans people are nice… I unfortunately know a few very unsympathetic transfems I once felt very close to myself…
Maybe they just struggle with responding.
And one of them just updated their discord status to “happy halloween” but I guess just won’t check notifications for the new person she just added to her DMs.
