I made this post about a week ago. I’m finally getting to a point where I’m clear headed about things. Just wondering what I should do now that I’m single I guess.
I just got out of a 10 year relationship back in September - this is basically restating the advice I’ve been getting:
The true answer IS to focus on you. Do things that you weren’t doing that you missed out on.
The full clarity starts setting in once you’re more in tune with yourself. As long as you are true with yourself, you’re on the right path.
Damn buddy, that’s a rough go, but I’m proud of you being able make the call that was needed.
It’s ok to grieve. You lost a present and future you thought you had, and will probably question the past as well.
Buy, remember you always have the present. The biggest gift you have now is to truly be yourself. Figure out what you want and need. Go to therapy. Go for a walk. Reconnect with friends. Exercise, hike, bike, bake. You don’t need to run from what you lost but you can certainly embrace the opportunities you have now.
Take that $10,000 and go on the trip to China you always wanted.
Do everything for yourself possible you wish someone else would do for you.
I think just take it slow and focus on you for a bit. Beware of rebound stuff.
Reach out to the other people in your life. Allow them to pick up some of the strength of the ties that you’ve lost, to mitigate the social pain you’re feeling. Remember who you are, especially through all the connections that had become secondary to this erstwhile connection.
It’s a good way to distract yourself and reset your mind; if you’re just alone all the time you can end up in self-reinforcing cognitive loops.
If you haven’t already, go track down all your friends that live nearby and give them a big hug.
Something fun. I dont know what that necessarily is for you, but tjink of sometjong really fun you can do and go do it. If it involves the fact that you are most likely not accountable at all to another person, all the better. After that either date again or don’t depending on how you feel. But rn take the chance to be self centered a little bit more than you could be before.
if you’ve never done it, but have the means, traveling solo can be absolutely incredible. you can go where you want, make decisions on how you feel, and ultimately tailor the entire experience around your curiosity and sense of adventure.
solo travel is a completely different vibe.
similarly, you can visit/drop in on friends that live far away. for example, a friend of mine was getting married but i found a cheap flight to come out a week early to the region, where i rented a car and made a loose path to visit with other friends and hang for a few days along the way before the wedding shit started.
its a chill way to travel when you only have to accomodate and account for yourself.
Removed by mod
I’m in the same boat as OP. I needed to hear that too, thanks.
some baddies
Take this time for yourself and if needs be grieve. My best advice on grief is that sometimes it doesn’t always follow the pattern of the 5 stages in order, it can come and go, then start all over again. When I lost my mom I experienced it all out of order. The worst thing you can do is what I did and put those feelings into mental boxes and shelf them, compartmentalizing your emotions. You won’t get anywhere and you’ll just be carrying around feelings that can explode at any second. Please take care of yourself, talk to someone if you’re able, even if it’s just a friend.
Something that helped me in my worst breakup was picking up woodworking, it’s a rewarding hobby with little goals that build up to more complex and satisfying ones, and the handiwork keeps the voices quiet.
You’re going to have a lot of free time assuming you spent significant time with your former partner, think of whether there are activities you’ve had to reject in the past because of time constraints and whether you can pick them up now, it really helps.
It’s not necessarily deep advice, but I remember listening to breakup songs for a while when I broke up with my ex. I think I listened to Irreplaceable for 4 days in a row, and it felt so good.
Like the others already said, think of your personal needs and wishes first. I’m proud of you for taking that step for yourself, and I’m sending you a lot of love, comrade
Proud of you 🫂
Join a band that’s tr00 and kvlt
