• 0 Posts
  • 15 Comments
Joined 2 年前
Cake day: 2023年6月16日
  • SleepyPie@lemmy.worldtoADHD@lemmy.world•...English
    7·
    5 个月前

    This might be an unpopular opinion but online dating works and is worth the struggle.

    I also experienced some ghosting, periods of few replies, etc as well but I got better at it over time and found much better results as I adjusted. This is honestly a marathon not a sprint. Pace yourself, take a week off from matching (sometimes more) when it wears you out.

    If you’re not getting enough dates then you must improve your photos. Your photos are everything in online dating. Even one 15% better photo can make all the difference. Over the next while try to improve your appearance, whether through some nicer clothes, finding a pretty setting, or a haircut and make sure to take a couple photos wherever you go. Most new photos may not look good but occasionally you will create one that’s an improvement worth updating your profiles with. People will learn about you after they are attracted to you. This is not vain or selfish, we want a partner we are attracted to.

    I briefly dated someone who worked at one of the dating apps, and she told me about the science of dating. It’s called an “optimal stopping problem” and I highly recommend you google it.

    It boils down to meeting as many people as does not burn you out, then locking in on the next best person you find. This will be your best chance of a good life partner. Also for men, there is a pay to play aspect. Be comfortable paying a monthly fee if you’re not getting any new dates. I know this is not perfectly fair but it makes sense how it came about. (And can be cheaper than buying strangers drinks.)

    Once things get rolling be sure to turn down people you have doubts about. There is an ADHD impulse control issue where you may have an urge to go all in on a person showing you affection, especially if you’ve been needing it for some time. But please don’t settle, you should have very few reservations when you meet someone ideal for the long term. Again, your best chance of success is to say no to a good handful of people first so you know what’s possible and have more insight into what you need.

    We spend so much energy on schooling for jobs we might change, but ideally a good partner is forever too. This is worth spending time and energy on. I married someone so perfect for me I didn’t let myself believe it was possible before I met them. I wouldn’t have found this without online dating - I am convinced it is better at putting you in front of people who suit you more than what past generations had to go through as long as people are willing to adjust to its quirks.

  • SleepyPie@lemmy.worldtoPrivacy@lemmy.ml•privacy recommendations for a digital journal?
    10·
    5 个月前

    Consider installing NextCloud on a private virtual Ubuntu/debian server. You can deploy it via docker or other various ways to make this easy.

    This can essentially grant you full control over your data as long as you trust wherever you host the server. You can install other open source apps on top of it - like only office which can give you live shared file editing like google drive or one drive.

    Nextcloud has phone app access. NextCloud supports markdown. NextCloud is fully open source, and actively developed due to enterprise support contracts, kind of like Fedora. You could secure access over the internet through a VPN, https and every other hardening scheme.

    If you don’t trust any infrastructure then host it on a laptop, so many reliable used devices can be picked up for cheap. Expand to other devices for redundancy as you become comfortable.

    Feel free to create accounts for family and people you trust, freeing your community from monopoly.

    Ask ChatGPT for the steps in between. This is my personal set up, feel free to ask me any questions ChatGPT can’t help with, though I may be slow to answer.