DW! It get’s better in the mid 30’s. When you realize you don’t want to stress yourself anymore. You have your career already set up. No need to prove yourself, like back in school. You can start enjoying your life and care less.
I don’t and have never wanted to “stress myself.” There is no off switch for the stress. It’s always there. It’s been there almost as long as I can remember.
I was diagnosed at 28. If I waited much longer I would probably be a full blown alcoholic today. I managed my symptoms by self medicating (i.e. drinking) which was a really poor substitute for actual medication. That was the only way I could temporarily shut off the stress.
Getting diagnosed and properly medicated dramatically improved my quality of life.
Except for those people with crippling ADHD, who never get to build a career, have trouble maintaining meaningful relationships and succumb to the overhead and additional stress of having to try life on hard mode.
Let’s not pretend those people don’t exist or that ADHD is not a problem for adults any longer, in particular in places where healthcare is not readily accessible.
Those people don’t exist, we all know that people with severe ADHD walk into the forest at 29 and become trees. Let’s go back to pretending ADHD is not a problem for adults.
If you’re in the US I can PM you the name of the service I used to get diagnosed. First attempt I was given what I later learned was a very outdated test, after which I was told “your job is too hard for someone with ADHD”.
It is infuriating. I don’t even know if I’d want the meds. But I’d like to have someone with expertise be like ‘yes, that thing you have thought you are dealing with your whole damn life, and is reflected in every damn ADHD post making you cry at the idea that you are not alone, is real’
Then you get into a relationship and feel your partner’s disappointment every day because it turns out that while you have gotten comfortable with how your brain works, the rest of the world hasn’t. But don’t worry; tomorrow is the day when it’ll all get better…
Went mask off early on, caught the heart of a neurotypical. A personality consists of more than dopamine effectiveness and sometimes the rest makes for what someone considers a compelling package.
And then the cycle repeats. You try to comfort a society holding on to neurotypical values. You haven’t learned to accept yourself. You keep working against your nature and you still hate yourself for failing.
That’s my point. Being at peace with yourself only works until you have to regularly deal with someone who isn’t. Of course you can isolate yourself from those people if they fail to adapt but that means you get to choose between being in a relationship and feeling tension over your neurodivergence on the one side and being alone but at peace with yourself on the other.
I’m not saying that you can’t make a satisfying choice but it certainly ain’t an easy one. If you get a partner who meshes well with your brain, congratulations. But a lot of people don’t.
Also, making a choice about your relationship means making a choice that affects two people (or more if you’re poly or have a dependent). And sometimes you can’t in good conscience end a relationship because you know that doing so will majorly screw over your partner.
Life is complicated. Inner peace is a precious and fragile good and sometimes you trade that good away. Appreciate it if and while you have it.
DW! It get’s better in the mid 30’s. When you realize you don’t want to stress yourself anymore. You have your career already set up. No need to prove yourself, like back in school. You can start enjoying your life and care less.
Lemme just pull out my wallet and give my landlord contentment, I’m sure they’ll understand given my pay damn sure ain’t keeping up with inflation.
I don’t and have never wanted to “stress myself.” There is no off switch for the stress. It’s always there. It’s been there almost as long as I can remember.
I was diagnosed at 28. If I waited much longer I would probably be a full blown alcoholic today. I managed my symptoms by self medicating (i.e. drinking) which was a really poor substitute for actual medication. That was the only way I could temporarily shut off the stress.
Getting diagnosed and properly medicated dramatically improved my quality of life.
Except for those people with crippling ADHD, who never get to build a career, have trouble maintaining meaningful relationships and succumb to the overhead and additional stress of having to try life on hard mode.
Let’s not pretend those people don’t exist or that ADHD is not a problem for adults any longer, in particular in places where healthcare is not readily accessible.
Those people don’t exist, we all know that people with severe ADHD walk into the forest at 29 and become trees. Let’s go back to pretending ADHD is not a problem for adults.
My family doc unironically told me that adults can’t have adhd, and kids grow out of it. I don’t even know where to start.
If you’re in the US I can PM you the name of the service I used to get diagnosed. First attempt I was given what I later learned was a very outdated test, after which I was told “your job is too hard for someone with ADHD”.
Alas - I am in Canada. Many thanks though!
I, too, would like to get my shit together 😶
My province until very recently had the same stance and so all the docs did as well.
It is infuriating. I don’t even know if I’d want the meds. But I’d like to have someone with expertise be like ‘yes, that thing you have thought you are dealing with your whole damn life, and is reflected in every damn ADHD post making you cry at the idea that you are not alone, is real’
Unless you forget to do the whole career set-up thing and just bounce from one hyperfocus to the next.
This is a warning to anyone under 30; pick a well defined role that has a title and is transferable.
Can I be a house? A house has a title, a well defined role and is transferable
We’re all out of house sorry; you may identify as rent.
Then you get into a relationship and feel your partner’s disappointment every day because it turns out that while you have gotten comfortable with how your brain works, the rest of the world hasn’t. But don’t worry; tomorrow is the day when it’ll all get better…
Go mask off early on, get rejected by neurotypicals and find your self a nice manic pixie to settle down with.
Fingers crossed one of our daughters is good at accounting.
Went mask off early on, caught the heart of a neurotypical. A personality consists of more than dopamine effectiveness and sometimes the rest makes for what someone considers a compelling package.
And then the cycle repeats. You try to comfort a society holding on to neurotypical values. You haven’t learned to accept yourself. You keep working against your nature and you still hate yourself for failing.
That’s my point. Being at peace with yourself only works until you have to regularly deal with someone who isn’t. Of course you can isolate yourself from those people if they fail to adapt but that means you get to choose between being in a relationship and feeling tension over your neurodivergence on the one side and being alone but at peace with yourself on the other.
I’m not saying that you can’t make a satisfying choice but it certainly ain’t an easy one. If you get a partner who meshes well with your brain, congratulations. But a lot of people don’t.
Also, making a choice about your relationship means making a choice that affects two people (or more if you’re poly or have a dependent). And sometimes you can’t in good conscience end a relationship because you know that doing so will majorly screw over your partner.
Life is complicated. Inner peace is a precious and fragile good and sometimes you trade that good away. Appreciate it if and while you have it.