Having ADHD is like running memtest and getting errors logged again and again.

I consistently have coworkers ask how my brain works as fast as it does and I just as consistently tell them that getting going and keeping going are just it’s natural state, it’s getting it to shut the fuck up that’s the problem. I never even realized how much I mutter to myself until one of the security guards was orienting a new one to our Psych unit and I overheard “oh no she’s always talking to herself that’s normal.” It’s not internal stimuli it doesn’t sound real to me it’s just my own internal thoughts running like a little hamster on a wheel (did you know even wild hamsters will do that if you just put a wheel out in their natural habitat?)

Many cores, poor single-core performance

Haha, I’ve used an analogy like this before. Not only is the CPU fast and the RAM low, but the entire system doesn’t like to go to sleep when you tell it to. Ever had a computer that woke up from sleep mode from the slightest bump? That’s me. That’s my brain. It’s why I was up at 4am this morning.

One of my friends has ADHD and has described it to me as:" like having a GLA motor on a smart. And the clutch is completely worn out. It may rev high. But we’re getting nowhere" Not sure how correct of an explanation it was. But it was a woderful metaphor.

Now couple that with way off iq metrics and anything from butterfly to your cat is a valid input device while output is only possible via symphony orchestra and oscilloscope oh and of course input parsing is whacky as hell

I liken it to a single incredibly fast core and a scheduler that was written in Malbolge. I also have a ton of cache, but no RAM.

Yeah, ofc it feels like a fast CPU compared to the rest of the spec, the CPU is brilliant to put up with all the bullshit.

My storage doesn’t randomly disconnect, but frequently (and randomly) when I open saved files, three to six other files open alongside it for whatever reason and that can get a bit overwhelming and for sure bogs everything down.

Very helpful for making diverse connections between the files (how my OS knows which files are related is beyond my comprehension), but way too much for daily use.

Paging, paging, paging, paging, paging…

As I’ve been discovering what I strongly suspect is adhd within my own brain (undiagnosed, and likely will never pursue such), I think my analogy is that my cpu is over clocked and running hot. Plenty of ram usually, and the storage is plentiful but in need of a defragging; but that CPU is always churning, even when there’s no tasks assigned to it.

I’m also discovering that what I thought the H in adhd meant isn’t what it really means in practice. I always thought of it is translating to a physical expression, but it doesn’t, at least not for me. It’s pretty much exclusively internal for me.

Also no cache, and only one small register that is limited to 3 ascii digits.

I prefer the analogy of not having a heat sync/fan. In a ice cold room with an external fan? Works wonders. Anywhere else? Overheats. Once you overheat you have to take time to cool it off and possibly fix what broke.

I am almost certain ive made this analogy about my self multiple times before to different people. I am almost certain i dont have adhd though. What do I do now ._.

i feel more like my brain is crappy 15 year old midrange spec hardware but now that I’ve put Linux on it and am learning how to use it, it can sorta keep up with modern PCs

(the Linux is stimulants lol)