My shrink said that it’s not uncommon for adults to break down crying when they get their diagnosis because they haven’t just been lazy pieces of shit their whole lives. There was actually something wrong.
Learning i was trans and had ADHD and embracing myself felt like Rock Lee taking off the training weights.
It’s a struggle to not constantly feel shame about aspects of myself that are not fully under my control and I had no idea until deep into adulthood.
That reminds me of a post I saw spreading some ableist bullshit and full of people shaming others who already struggle: https://lemmy.world/post/33167860
I think most of us late diagnosed peeps probably have a lot of frustration over our past. Not necessarily suffering from other people’s lack of understanding or whatever abuses we received (though there’s no way those aren’t upsetting); but the fact that, had we gotten treatment and the knowledge of what the issues were in a timely manner, we could have accomplished more. Moved forward in life and career and not had to struggle so much with personal failures, anxiety, etc.
I don’t know why I am the way I am and don’t understand why I can’t get shit done and why are people always mad at me and why don’t I have friends and why can’t I just be left to do what I want and why do I hate parties with crowds and small talk and why can’t I just stick with something until I’m good at it…on and on…
We can deal with maybe a shitty childhood, but we can never get the time back that was lost due to inability to perform the tasks society expects of everyone to “keep up with the pack.” Like finish a degree, advance in the workplace, look for a better job, etc.
As much as I’d love to cheer on the abilities Au/DHD do get, like quick problem solving skills, creativity, jack-of-all-trades knowledge, pragmatically we live in a society that isn’t going to bend to accommodate us.
I hate that the things that seem so obvious to me are so opaque to everyone else. And vice versa.
I was diagnosed at 39, and the most frustrating part was that when I shared it with my mom, her response was “well duh”
The years of bullying from “friends” and family all condensed into one flippant dismissal
Things make more sense now: why I left my childhood birthday parties at the start, why my “friends” stole from me, the years of being bullied by my family
I can’t go back, but I can get angry at myself. I have always been the easiest person to pick on
That and imposter syndrome. How could I really be autistic when I’ve done fine (but not really) up until now? And some people reinforcing that as well, saying you couldn’t be on the spectrum because you seem to do ok socially or whatever it is.
I’ve found that Imposter Syndrome is really common. Even people that I admire that are rockstars in the industry I’m in also have Imposter Syndrome.
Maybe the weirdos are the ones without Imposter Syndrome?
you don’t seem autistic
Yeah fucker because I’m using about 60% of my cognitive load masking.
I get that from every therapist and psychologist.
I’ve gotten so good at masking even they can’t tell.
I struggled - and still struggle - so much with this after getting diagnosed.
Me three. 57yo, medically retired three years ago due to cancer treatment side effects, only just realised within the last year that I have ADHD and autism.
I’ve always been the weirdo, outcast, oddball, loner, I couldn’t go back to work now even if I wanted to. I can barely look people in the eyes or have a conversation now.
My self confidence, self esteem, identity, are all in tatters — apparently everyone else has known for years or even decades but no one said anything to me. FML.
When I got diagnosed with ADD last year at 37yo, it was mostly a feel of relief. Also added to it was a sense of „damn…it could‘ve been orders of magnitude easier to handle your life“. On the other hand, it is now easier to handle it since the diagnosis :)
It only got harder ever since my adhd diagnosis.
Much harder. I feel taken advantage of, or better: they took advantage of my medical insurance without helping me anything.
Who did? Didn‘t you get any medication for it?
It also makes it harder to even accept help because you have been doing okay so far. It’s almost like, if you accept too much or certain types of help, you feel like a lesser person. It’s not true, of course. It’s just hard to ask for help for things you thought where okay.
I’m still working on that. I’m focusing on boundaries first, because giving less is a step in the right direction.
That is a good step in the right direction
I’m in this post, and I don’t like it.
Brother (gender neutral), I’ve been ADHD my whole life and only been grappling with the fact that I’m disabled recently. It’s hard
Brother (gender neutral)
“Sibling”?
This also goes for those of us diagnosed at a young age but our parents only saw it as “they can’t pay attention” and give no support whatsoever. When I began to understand what ADD really is, I was already in my 30s.
I sure got a lot of retaliatory physical, verbal, and psychological abuse and had everything I ever said completely disregarded though, so at least there’s that.
It ruined my whole life. I never finished school, was only allowed to do unsatisfying simple work as I lacked any diplomas and I always felt misunderstood. I ended up joining the navy (totally not for me, as I found out I’m an anarchist and do not belong there) as I didn’t have work during a financial crisis. I was never understood or accepted as I did officer’s work which created hate among the other sailors and NCO’s, but at the same time I was still a low life sailor (and later NCO) to the officers I worked with so was never treated with respect. I never liked it, but change is hard so I stayed there for 15 years. Now I cannot work anymore due to PTSD from deployment so it scarred me for life.
At least I got recognition after being diagnosed 5 years ago and now I’m getting somewhat of support, but it’s kinda too late as I’m damaged for life and am mentally incapable of going back to school to start over. The combination of autism, ADHD, depression and PTSD is something no one dares to treat so every form of mental help failed and gave up on me.
But at least I have 3 cats.
I have a steady income thanks to a military disabled pension due to my PTSD military discharge so I can support myself and my hobbies. But I lack any form of intellectual challenge and daily routine so I can’t say I’m happy. Every day is a struggle and even though I have loads I can do hobby wise, I feel insanely bored and depressed and fail to do anything most days.
My parents still don’t accept it, neither does the rest of my family. They say they do, but at the same time they tell me not to be lazy and stop hiding behind the diagnose, just to man up and be normal for a change. To finally stop being a rebellious teenager in it’s puberty and start to act like an adult (I’m 38). The conflict escalated many times, now to a point that I blocked all contact with them as I see their behavior as mental abuse (up to a traumatic level). So my entire family is dead to me.
But at least I have friends who accept me for who I am, who I love and who love me. I know many can’t say that so I count myself rich and fortunate in that matter.
Because I got diagnosed, I can have some peace with myself. I can accept who and what I am. But I cannot have peace with the situation I’m in (although I know it could be a lot worse).
do you wanna talk about what caused your PTSD? i would be interested.
The diagnosis vindicated me. Years of bullying and being told I am weird and thinking it was all my fault.
