Dude should maybe consider seeing a doctor about his “hand”.
This is about others not taking depression seriously. The difficulty in getting treatment is another matter.
I was sad once and then I realized that I can control my emotions and decided not to be sad.
Thats why they put hand in quotes… it was sarcasm implying that the character needs to see a doctor about his depression
Yes, I know. As I said, not the point of the comic.
The others would probably take his problem a lot more seriously if he had at least tried to get it fixed. If you are going to walk around with a mangled blood gushing hand for a prolonged period of time, without seeking help, then you should probably stop whining about it, because I can’t do anything for you. I can’t force you to go to a doctor.
Oh hey, I have something for this.
From experience, ‘making it somebody else’s problem’ by asking for help, rarely ends well or gets you the help you need. It just makes you an annoyance and look bad, and eventually people (healthcare workers included) decide you’re malingering and/or attention seeking and start treating you even worse.
Isn’t life fun.
Goddamn, way to make me flashback.
There was a point in my life where I was facing homelessness, was constantly job searching but hearing nothing back, and had to count coins to make sure I could afford to eat each day. Not only that, but the closest family member, who had invited me to stay with them if things went tits up, had just died two days before in a sudden and tragic way.
And my then-bf dragged me to a bar, where he and all his friends told me to “just let it go” and “loosen up” as if the basement rock of my world hadn’t just eroded out from under me. I sure as shit couldn’t afford bar prices, and not a single one of the group offered to get me anything, leaving me stone sober while they all got shitfaced. I ended up crying alone in the bathroom for an hour, and when I came back out, “bf” was getting a fucking lap dance from his friend’s fiancee.
That wasn’t even the worst part of the night. It definitely got darker before the light returned.
I’m okay now, over a decade later, in an infinitely-better place with supportive friends and partners. But man, what a journey.
“I can’t, because of my hand. My hand hurts so much. Life sucks because of this hand.”
“You should go to a doctor to show your hand”
“No! It won’t help anything! And it costs money. And I don’t know how to or want to anyway.”
I’ve seen that too, where the person doesn’t want to actually even try to help themselves.
And when the doctor decides you’re an attention seeking malingerer and refuses to help, what then?
If it is the first doctor to say that, I’d seek another opinion. If it’s the second or third, well maybe…
Let me guess, you’re a man? A most likely white, cis and straight, man.
How am I doing?
Kinda creepy to start asking and assuming like that…
Ask some of the women in your life about what it’s like trying to access healthcare. Ask how often they’re listened to by doctors and how much respect is given when they say something is wrong.
Which of course is a symptom.
“My leg is broken” “Then walk to the hospital, duh” “I can’t, my leg is broken” “Why are you choosing to live in pain?!”
Then you carry them to the hospital and they don’t want to get treatment but they sure as hell want you to keep carrying them around. Been in that situation and it really sucks.
“Well you could call a taxi”
“I don’t know how to besides it costs money and time…”
“Well fine, I could drive you”
“No I got other stuff to do.”
“Just give me a time and I’ll do it”
“I don’t know when ugh…”
At that point people will just stop trying since it’s always the same wall.
But they saw it was a serious matter and tried. The people in the comic haven’t even reached that point yet.
It could’ve happened before this
A therapists saying about behaviors like this is “then the suffering isn’t big enough yet.”
Notice how the “friends” are completely dismissive of the hand? If they actually thought it was cause for concern, that would be an improvement.
We don’t know how long this has been going on. If it’s been years and years of this, I get it.
If encouraging him to see a doctor were something they were doing, the comic would have shown that.
what is this, the hand again
They do seem to have been through this before.
Is this some kind of metaphor?
Yes.
This comic hits the nail on the head for me. When speaking with doctors and therapists, I would describe the depression as non-physical mental pain. Like I don’t feel sad and I don’t feel like I am a bad person, but it’s like my mind hurts and I still feel like shit.
It took almost 2 fucking years after my first initial appointment to get properly medicated.
I’d literally kill myself if I was forced to do it all again.
You “just go see a doctor”–folk have no idea how fucking difficult it is to 1). actually be seen by a competent doctor, 2). be taken seriously, 3). and actually receive treatment for mental health stuff.
That’s not even including the whole “getting out of a shit enough headspace to actually do all that stuff in the first place.”
Unmedicated me felt like wading through hell.
Be kind to those with different chemistry. Shit sucks.
This^
My GP called to mock and say she hadn’t called the crisis help for an appointment yet. Two weeks she let fly by. No doubt more if it wasn’t for a family member calling her.
I want medication for my ADHD and instead the doctors I would see kept trying different antidepressants. None of them helped. In fact most just added more problems, like not being able to get an erection, weight gain, and fatigue. I would tell them and they would either switch to a different antidepressant or up the dosage.
I know the cause of my depression and I want to treat that; not the fucking symptoms of depression itself. But I also have shitty insurance that’s only accepted by 2 different networks of health care where I am, and they are so understaffed for the mental health shit that making an appointment anywhere is always 6 to 8 months away, and even if you show up the doctor might not.
And that’s not even taking into account the miseries of:
1: Fighting with insurance to let you have what you desperately need at a price that wouldn’t bankrupt you.
2: Fighting with your pharmacy over prescription issues.
3: Dealing with sudden nationwide shortages.
Fuck…
Even once I had a great doctor who knew what I had, it still took nearly two years to find a medication that worked for me with side-effects that I could tolerate. It’s a long frustrating journey.
It took me 2 years to build up the inertia to actually call a doctor.
I get the metaphor this is making, but I can’t help but view this as everyone being passive aggressive because the character refuses to actually see a doctor about their hand lol.
Try dialing a phone with your hand like that
It’s like trying to crucify yourself. No matter how hard you try, you can’t hammer in the last nail.
The other one was fine.
Finding a doctor, making an appointment, keeping that appointment, trying who knows how many medications until you find one that helps, etc. is not the easiest thing in the world when you have trouble just getting out of bed in the morning.
Besides, the hand itself will get in the way of seeing a doctor. How are you gonna fill out paperwork? If you’re depressed, do you trust the doctor?
If you don’t even go to a doctor because of that hand then I understand why everyone is kinda fed up
What about affording any of that? OR a home… or getting time off work for the 100th time this year.
Life is often unkind to those who need a bit of kindness the most.
Yea, I was just thinking this morning how fucked up it is that there’s nothing you can do if you’re in this situation to catch up. The world won’t stop moving while you try to figure your shit out and you’re just fucked if you fall behind while trying to deal with it.
Should be a broken foot and everyone tells him to just walk to the doctor
this, big time. The amount of times where I had migraine with the vision impairment on the day of an appointment, unable to drive and farther away than I could safely get to on my own by any means if I could manage to fumble through any to begin with, and nobody able to bring me.
then just remembering which meds go to my elderly birds, elderly grandparents, and which go to me
Like I said, I fully get the metaphor and the point being made. It’s just a funny interpretation.
self medicate! mushrooms and puppies!
I’m unclear on which one I’m supposed to eat, but I think I’m just going to go for it!
I fed the former to the latter and have a whole situation here right now
You’ll figure it out don’t limit yourself
But you still have to take steps to do it or your hand will never get better. Granted it’s easier if people give you support but depending on where you are at in life that can’t necessarily be something you can count on. So you have to break it down into a manageable step and attack it at that point. If you’re having trouble getting out bed, focus on just getting out of bed. Or don’t, just call a doctor from bed and do telemedicine there if possible. Whatever works.
It sounds callous to someone that’s deep in it but the reality of the situation is that excuses won’t alleviate your situation. You have to find what you can do, if you can’t do something then it is what it is but you also have to accept that the world does not exist without consequence and you will probably have to accept the consequences of that action (people being frustrated with you for flaking, trouble at work, etc). Pursue accommodations when possible to alleviate the burden but also recognize that depression is a mix of neurochemical and behavioral components. You have a degree of control over severity of the behavioral part and it is about the choices you make with what how you spend your time
All of those points are things that depression actively disrupts. It’s akin to asking an American, living hand to mouth, to just pay out of pocket. It’s not a case of not going on an extra holiday. It’s a case of not making rent payments to do it.
Depression can leave you without enough mental resources to even maintain basic functionality. An upfront cost, for a payout potential years down the line, is simply more than many can afford.
The worst part is that you are correct. However, it’s the same correctness as telling someone about to lose their house to “just make more money”. Technically correct, but useless and callous in practice.
It’s unbelievably frustrating how much of this narrative is pervasive here. I’m all over these comment replies pushing back against it and here is why: because it is defeatist bullshit. Someone with depression, who is already struggling, reads your comment and now has reason to go “oh well yeah, that’s right, it is hard and it is difficult and I might as well not bother”
Fuck that. Your metaphor is bullshit. The difference is a person living in extreme poverty can’t generally make huge differences with saving $5 a week. But someone with depression can make significant progress with small behavioral changes to build momentum in the direction they want to move towards. This is not conjecture, this is evidence based both via CBT and behavior activation theory.
Frankly I would argue pushing the narrative of “well it’s really hard so you might as well just not try” is far more damaging than what the comic outlines. The behavior in the comic is rude and disenfranchising but the behavior in some of these comments is enabling and actively works against someone potentially seeking treatment
As stated in one of my other replies what do you propose as an alternative? Let people with mental illness languish and send them good vibes? Do you also send thoughts and prayers after mass shootings?
What we need is clean, efficient treatment paths for acute depression. Barriers to treatment are the worst thing possible.
We need to work on attacking root causes, not just throw some drugs at the person and call it a day.
We need to help teach depressed people HOW to start pulling themselves out, not just to try harder.
Once the patient is stable, we need to NOT just wash our hands of them, treatment wise. This is the time that spending mental effort will lead to far bigger gains.
It’s the difference between telling someone with broken legs to “walk it off” vs emergency treatment, casts for 6+ weeks, and then physiotherapy where “walk it off” becomes walk on it to rebuild your strength.
The “just try harder” mentality got me into the mess Ive been in. It burnt me out, and it took me decades to even realise how bad I actually was, and years more to even start getting the help I actually needed. Even now, I have to fight for it. 1 slip up, and I’m set back months or years in the process. It’s like putting the hospital A&E department on the 5th floor, with no lifts, and expecting people to walk up if they really want treatment.
The point is you shouldn’t be telling the depressed person how to deal with their illness.
The author of this comic is trying to say that the problem is not the depressed person, the problem is everyone else telling him how to treat his illness.
You’ve got some good advice but you seem to fundamentally misunderstand the point this artist is trying to make.
I wasn’t replying to the comic, I was replying to that person.
Regardless of that the problem is not binary issue. A problem is the people demoralizing the individual, sure, but this is a contributing factor to the individuals inaction. The individuals inaction is a problem as well and for said individual this is the worse of the 2 problems, as it is the main one they can act on. You can complain about other people being tone deaf and that is valid, those people are rude, but it’s not moving you forward
But you still have to take steps to do it or your hand will never get better.
As someone else said in another comment a broken foot might be a better metaphor. Or a leg. Two legs even.
You’re telling people with broken feet and legs to just walk to the doctor.
Im not telling people with two broken legs to walk to the doctor. I’m telling them to assess their situation and do what is within their power to do in this moment, which would likely be to call emergency services/ambulance in that metaphor
You have to own your problem to start fixing it or it will never get better. There is no changing that.
I think you kinda have to imagine yourself in a situation where you are despearate and see no way out, except maybe suicide, cause it’s easier and will end the suffering. Then you will get where these people are.
I get where these people are
What are you suggesting? That we just leave these people alone to languish? That to me sounds unbelievably cruel. It’s just under a shitty veneer of pretending to be kind. You’re enabling someone and worsening their quality of life because you don’t want to encounter the idea of discomfort.
I get where these people are
Then you’re not being depicted in this comic. None of the other people do, or even appear interested in trying to get it.
Visually misread the middle panel guy as a doctor and not some douche in a white jacket at first which almost felt like a different type of joke.
The metaphor would work a lot better if one of the people he’s talking to was a doctor that ignored the problem with his hand.
And ADHD just means “you’re too lazy, and just need to focus.”
Things that make me want to hurt people.
It really sucks being a parent with ADHD having a kid with ADHD understanding the struggles while also having to say “You need to figure out what will work for you to focus on this stuff. Also, just try some of these suggestions to see if they work instead of refusing to try at all.”
Like I understand the struggle and still end up sounding like that just because figuring out something to improve the situation is necessary although it isn’t quite the same thing as ‘try harder’. Just keep trying until you figure out something that improves the situation.
For me, it’s all about someone trying to help me, together.
I’m lucky that a few of my coworkers understand the feeling that working on a thing together (even if it’s separate tasks) can achieve the larger goal. It’s much better than going alone, or with someone who tries to play director/boss.
ADHD sucks. It’s a pain in the ass to get my meds, the meds help, but I still have good days and bad days. I don’t think it’s nearly as debilitating as a crushed hand, I don’t even put it on the same level as depression. That said everyone has a different toolbox for their issues, and some people are better equipped than others.
I’ve got a lovely cocktail of ADHD, C-PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. And people are upset when it takes me an hour to get out of bed.
I have adhd, anxiety, and depression. My spouse has anxiety, cpsd, and depression. We really enjoyed remote work before we were called back to the office.
If it takes you an hour to get out of bed, so be it. I like to go to bed early (I’m old) that way it feels like I’ve slept in every day.
What if we stage an intervention and have one of your childhood friends beat you while screaming about how your every single action is a sign you’re trying to kill yourself? -reasons why there’s a whole half of my family I don’t talk to anymore.
Feel this one in my bones.
Well at least you have bones amiright?
My only regret is that I have… boneitis.
That’s a funny name for a horrible disease.
Had to look that one up, nice one.
Fucking bones. Inside my body. Everywhere. And my brain is trapped inside one of them. Fuck. 😖
Ah, an artist who graduated from the Bruce Timm and John K school of horny Archie fanart.
(I actually love it)
I thought we were gonna be so serious and politically correct. I’m glad not all of us were.
You could say I’m “drawn” towards some fine curves
The worst part is when people call somebody lazy or make other assumptions about them cause of their lack of wealth or expensive things or tidy hair. Some people never grow out of that schoolyard shit.
I have ADHD and my SO desperately needs to see this.
With friends like these, you don’t need enemies
