Smart = vehicle for ads
smart= data mining, and easier to become damaged forcing you to buy more because of all the unneccesary components that can break down"
“Ribbed for her pleasure”
Unlimited internet with no SLA
Recyclable, looking at you Coca Cola.
the most obvious one AI, totally not a even close at all, its just advanced wolfram alpha. or glass saying its “military grade, unbreakable” in this case of screen for phones, and for containers(like coffee), more than not its made with thinnest material to cut corners.
another fun one is pyrex, pyrex lowercase uses a cheaper weaker glass laminated glass, while the og uses borosilicate(if you are buying the large dishes), some of the lunch box types are made with borosilicate. PYREX is no longer sold in the US, but mostly in the EU and maybe canada. however there is other borosilicate containers out there with varying durability.
the “eco-friendly companies” telling you to buy thier products for carbon footprint reduction type of marketing, its largest funded by oil and gas to avoid reducing thier emissions.
nHap toothpaste, questionable effects, as mos the positive effect seemed to be related to the added whitening/abrasive adjacents more than normal toothpaste.
Wolfram Alpha can (or at least could, don’t know if it’s any good anymore) actually reliably do math
Honestly I find that most things that say they’re military grade are, it’s just people think that’s a good thing. Instead of essentially meaning “as cheap as possible.”
“Simple to use” and yet requires an entire customer support department for customers to figure out their software.
Self driving cars
“full self-driving”
“Supervised” lol
I do love GM’s “Supercruise” moniker. Accurate, and my introduction was during a CTS Blackwing commercial, so it was a great pairing.
Still disable it on rentals though.
- “Up to…” when used to describe things like internet speeds
- “Wholesome” when used to describe food. Not really a lie, per se, but “wholesome” has absolutely no meaning when it comes to nutrition and just sounds good
- “Zero calories” or 0 grams of [blank] in the nutrition information. The regulations let them round down if it’s less than 1
gramstandard unit of measurement for that item (edited from grams). - Any time you see “free” there’s always at least an implied asterisk
“Up to” in terms of anything. Up to inherently also contains zero.
In regards to free, I’ve found that a general rule of thumb is that the larger, the bolder, the more differently colored, the more drop shadows added, the shinier, or the more 3D looking the word “free” is, the less free it will actually turn out to be.
“Up to” in terms of anything. Up to inherently also contains zero.
I feel exactly the same way about “a fraction of” especially when it’s “a fraction of the price”, because 99/100 is a fraction, as is 100/100.
The “zero calories” is a US thing, in the EU manufacturers are required to show nutrition per 100g. They can add percentages and serving sizes if they want, but per 100g or 100ml is required, so you can calculate your own serving sizes easily.
you can calculate your own serving sizes easily
You haven’t met the average American have you?
- “Zero calories” or 0 grams of [blank] in the nutrition information. The regulations let them round down if it’s less than 1 gram.
For example, take a look at the “Serving size” of some cooking spray. 1/3 of a second of spray means 0.25g… So everything is zeroed out in the Nutrition facts.
Tap for image
Oh, yeah. I totally forgot about serving size chicanery.
I made some chili verde chicken, just chicken and sauce in the slow cooker and served over rice. When I tried it, it was super salty. So I go check the bottle, 85mg sodium per serving. But a 350ml bottle had over 50 servings!
cooking spray
Fascinating! I had never heard of this thing before, but Wikipedia has now educated me:
- “Zero calories” or 0 grams of [blank] in the nutrition information. The regulations let them round down if it’s less than 1
gramstandard unit of measurement for that item (edited from grams).
A particularly egregious example is TicTacs, which are labeled as having 0 calories despite being almost pure sugar. The practice is also very common with alternative sweeteners, which have fewer calories than regular sugar but far from 0.
- “Zero calories” or 0 grams of [blank] in the nutrition information. The regulations let them round down if it’s less than 1
I think “natural” was determined in court to hold jo required quality, or be free from artificial, man-made or modified elements. So wholly opposite the standard meaning of the word.
They always come for language first.
“Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth.”
Stainless steel. Because the common understanding of stainless is not what the stainless in stainless steel means.
Organic foods. Obviously this varies by location, but there are no universally standardized and enforced definitions of what it means to be organic that it comes close to being meaningless. You’d be surprised at what “organic” growers can get away with.
Genuine leather. It’s so misleading it’s pretty easy to argue that it’s essentially a lie.
20% off. When it’s the same cost as it was last month, you just upped the price, then put it on sale, so that in the end it evens out.
Genuine leather is not a lie.
It’s leather that’s so low quality, the only positive thing you can say about it is that it’s actually leather.Genuine leather is leather in the same way that an egg taped to a box of Betty Crocker cake mix doused in a cup of oil is a cake.
“genuine leather” is often reconstituted leather, that is leather scraps ground up and bound together with a binder, like MDF.
That is bonded leather I think.
You’re bonded leather.
We live in an age where something actually being what it is is a surprise.
- Chocolate (often brown sugar paste)
- Ice cream (often frozen oil)
- Social media (often antisocial or parasocial)
Or referring to the extremely small decorative patch that might as well not even be there
I’ve seen recycling labels that indicate the only part that’s recyclable is the recycling label itself.
Part of the problem with stainless steel is that it’s not a singular material. It’s an entire galaxy of alloys with a huge range of properties, and some are more corrosion resistant than others. It is certainly possible to concoct some alloy that is for all intents and purposes absolutely rustproof but it’s unlikely to have the other mechanical properties you need for whatever it is you’re doing.
If you’re looking at any object (probably a knife, or maybe a sink or faucet fixture) that simply declares itself “stainless steel” but the manufacturer refuses to admit which alloy even if you press them in a vise, that does indeed usually mean you’re looking at some junk. Low chromium and low nickel stainless alloys are the least corrosion resistant but all other things being equal are also typically the easiest to cut, machine, stamp, or otherwise work into shape.
“Organic” especially pisses me off when applied to honey. There’s no such thing as organic honey. Bees have a range of three miles or more, and they will forage on whatever they like.
Organic foods is just an excuse to charge you more so long as they make you feel better to know that it is organic.
Certainly not all organic foods, but yes, it’s often enough that I don’t fault you if that’s how you feel.
Genuine leather.
Is this not as opposed to fake leather (plastic)? They could just say that it is leather or real leather, but that does not sound as fancy.
It’s actually a technical term disguised as common language.
Most people think genuine means “as real as you can get”. Which is true in everyday language.
But when it comes to leather, “Genuine” is a quality grade that means “The lowest quality of leather that technically includes actual animal hide.” Usually it’s bits and pieces glued together.
Consider it the hot dog of leather.
I am pretty sure that “bits and pieces glued together” is the grade directly below it known as “bonded leather”. I think “genuine leather” is the first grade that is real leather. It just isn’t actually very good leather.
“Military grade leather.”
I wasn’t very confident about the bits and pieces, so I looked it up, and calling it hot dog leather is accurate.
“Genuine leather” is the designation for the lowest grade leather product.
From Wikipedia:
Organic agricultural methods are internationally regulated and legally enforced by transnational organizations such as the European Union and also by individual nations, based in large part on the standards set by the International Federation of Organic Agriculture Movements (IFOAM),[20] an international umbrella organization for organic farming organizations established in 1972, with regional branches such as IFOAM Organics Europe[21] and IFOAM Asia.[22]
What this describes is branding and trademark collatoral and enforcement, not a description of food.
“Up to”
It is a company’s often-used and workaround way of saying “we’re not promising you shit” right upfront. If an ISP decides to give you 20MBps and they say ‘up to’ 50? Guess what, you’re getting that variable 20 - 35 at best connection, not the full 50 or even 49.
Any value that a company puts those two words up against, always expect you’re getting lesser than advertised. It’s a subtle sneaky bullshit lie that is right infront of your face.
Huggies diapers fucking say “up to 100% leakproof” on the box.
I just want to see a picture of the face of the person that thought that was reasonable.
Well, it’s true. I never saw a diaper that stopped more than 100% of leaks
Same for pads and tampons. I’ve noticed it a lot lately.
Kids can pee a lot and there’s only so much liquid you can absorb with a reasonable amount of material. Seems like a valid use of that phrase to me
It’s completely meaningless, though. A prayer is"up to 100% leak free"
Up to is probably my favourite marketing term. Removes up to 100% of lime. Could be 0, idk.
Funnily enough, my fiber provider advertised my internet speeds as “up to 600Mbit/s” and I get about 630 in practice.
Time to sue for false advertising.
This extra insurance covers up to 100% of the costs!
It’s impossible for an ISP to guarantee speeds though, because it’s not just their connection that’s being used.
Do they use this to weasel out of reasonable expectations of connection quality? Yes, absolutely. But they also can’t do anything about the speed of the server you’re downloading from.
I signed up for the “ad free experience” on Amazon.
Picked a movie, popup says “this feature is not available ad free”. Cancelled
How is this legal? Oh yeah, Bezos was on the stage clapping with the other robber barons.
Amazon was just successfully sued because of the ads in Germany. It wasn’t legal in the first place to enable ads on the lowest tier.
I gave up sailing the high seas during the golden age of streaming. Unfortunately it has already come to an end with the majority of streaming services including ads for their highest tier.
I have wasted so much of my life on watching commercials, I refuse to waste anymore.
I have wasted so much of my life on watching commercials, I refuse to waste anymore.
This, 100% this.
Every streaming I have I pay the few extra bucks for ad free. Keep that fucking garbage out of my house.
A “family size” bag of Doritos is not sized for a family. Or I on my own count as a family.
“Military Grade” is not the flex that civilians think it is.
A “family size” bag of Doritos is not sized for a family. Or I on my own count as a family.
It’s enough for a family because the portion sizes are like 4 chips.
Military grade
This one is funny to me because the military commonly goes with the lowest bidder. So I take it to mean that “military grade” is absolute garbage made by the lowest bidder.
How many chips are you guys eating? There’s enough chips in those bags for several normal sized portions of chips. You’re not supposed to eat them until you’re full
You’re not supposed to eat them until full
Obviously.
I eat a family sized bag and I’m still hungry.
Not only that, but the US Military runs on state-of-the-art logistics. This means that military equipment can, and often is, incredibly high maintenance because you’re never far from a base that always has everything you need to keep it operational. In this environment, there’s no need to make anything super robust and reliable, so… they don’t.
How state-of-the-art are we talking? Well, let me introduce you to forward-deployed Burger King.
Tbf, a family-sized (now party-sized) bag of Doritos does contain a day’s worth of calories (2250) for a single person. I can’t keep them in the house, they call to me.
I miss the old military surplus stores. 2/3 of the stuff was cheap crap, but every now and then you’d find something insane. I had this flat periscope, it was designed to go up through a slot on the roof of a tank. You could easily stand on it, and it wouldn’t have broken.
I mean yeah but who eats a whole family size bag in a day? I know most people eat more than the serving size, but whole bag in a day?
Ohh, no, i wont’ say that :)
When I was in my 20’s I’d eat a whole bag and 2 two-liters of diet mountain dew in a day :)
I’m just saying, portion sizes are probably correct and it’s the american diet that’s in the wrong :)
A “family size” bag of Doritos is not sized for a family.
It should be the size of a family.
if it were liquefied
Cereal is worse. I used to get regular sized. Then I got family sized. Now I try to hold out for “mega sized” for myself
When I see “military grade”, I think “use it once to blow somethink up”
“Military grade” means “made by the cheapest contractor available, using sub-par materials, to juuuuuust meet the bare minimum requirements set by the government”.
It’s like when housing developers advertise that all of their houses are “built to code”. Congrats, building code is the bare minimum requirement for the house to be considered habitable. It needs to be up to code to be able to sell. Someone advertising that a house is “built to code” is saying “we would build this worse if we were legally allowed to do so, but the law says we weren’t allowed to cut any more corners and still pass an inspection.”
“We respect your privacy”
We VALUE your privacy, by selling your info to our 2,569 partners.
No artificial flavors
“Natural” and “artificial” flavors are determined by how they’re made/obtained, not by what the ingredient itself is. You can have the same ingredient labeled as either artificial or natural.
Like “Natural strawberry flavor”. Made by cooking wood shavings in alcohol. No strawberry was harmed in the process.
Or like Sebastian Lege did it in one of his shows: He mixed a number of acids to make “Banana Flavor”. Or when he talked about “natural smoke flavor”, which is a byproduct of producing charcoal, and the company he visited claimed they produce several thousand tons a year…
Natural flavors: not synthesized from petroleum… probably.
